News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Doctors Confirm You’re Technically Still Alive, Just Tired Forever After Age 36

ATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking new report released Friday, doctors from the National Institute of Realistic Health confirmed that individuals over the age of 36 are, in fact, technically still alive—though most are now operating in a permanent state of exhaustion, emotionally numb caffeine...

Local Meth Cook Gives Back by Providing Free ‘Science Lessons’ to Youth

EUGENE, OR — In an inspiring display of community spirit, local meth entrepreneur Travis "Sparky" Jenkins has announced a new initiative aimed at educating the next generation of scientists: free backyard "science lessons" for area youth. “I just want to give back, you know?” said Jenkins, who...

Joe Biden Spotted Casually Driving Ice Cream Truck Through Downtown Portland

PORTLAND, OR — In what city officials have described as "just another Tuesday," former President Joe Biden was spotted casually driving an old-school ice cream truck through downtown Portland this afternoon, smiling brightly and proudly holding up an ice cream cone to passersby. Witnesses say...

Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us

PORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone on a park bench downtown, openly reading a physical newspaper instead of doomscrolling his phone like a normal, emotionally fragile person. Eyewitnesses reported that the man...

Sad: Loser Photographer Just Needs to Give it Up, Because Let’s Be Honest His Work is Trash

Roseburg, OR — In a heartbreaking but entirely predictable development, local Roseburg man Tyler McMannis reportedly spent yet another weekend wandering Oregon’s scenic trails, clinging desperately to his Canon EOS camera like it wasn’t already over for him. Witnesses spotted McMannis near the...
Major Flooding Closes HWY 101 South of Seaside, Oregon

Major Flooding Closes HWY 101 South of Seaside, Oregon

Hey there, fellow Oregonians! Just a heads up for anyone planning to hit the road soon – Highway 101 is currently off-limits between Seaside and Cannon Beach Junction. Why, you ask? Well, we're dealing with some serious flooding here, thanks to the atmospheric river...

Permanent Injunction on Measure 114 Issued by Harney County Judge

Permanent Injunction on Measure 114 Issued by Harney County Judge

In a significant legal development, Harney County's Circuit Court Judge, Robert S. Raschio, recently ruled that Oregon's Measure 114, a gun safety law approved by voters, is unconstitutional. This ruling resulted in a permanent injunction, effectively pausing the...

Oregon Announces Free Fishing Right After Turkey Day

Oregon Announces Free Fishing Right After Turkey Day

In a recent announcement, the Oregon Wildlife and Fisheries Department declared a special opportunity for outdoor enthusiasts in Oregon. Following the Thanksgiving holiday, the state will host complimentary fishing days. From November 24th to 25th, fishing enthusiasts...

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