News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Extreme Centrist Portlander Avoids Detection After Perfecting Blank Stare During Political Rants

PORTLAND, OR — In a city where expressing even the slightest nuance can result in immediate social exile, local man Brian Callahan has reportedly survived another week in Portland without being outed as a moderate — thanks to a carefully rehearsed “blank, vaguely empathetic stare” he now deploys...

Americans Discover WNBA Still Exists While Pretending They’ve Always Cared About WNBA

In a truly heartwarming display of performative activism, Americans everywhere have suddenly discovered the WNBA is still a thing—and are now passionately pretending they’ve supported it this whole time. The newfound enthusiasm comes not from interest in basketball fundamentals, impressive stat...

Florence Erects Statue of Exploding Whale, Immediately Blows It Up for Historical Accuracy

Florence, Oregon – In a heartwarming tribute to Oregon’s most explosive historical moment, the city of Florence unveiled a life-sized statue of the infamous exploding whale on Tuesday—then promptly reduced it to flaming chunks with 20 cases of surplus dynamite. City officials say the decision to...

Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

SALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all the state’s biggest problems: by taking a big pile of your tax money… and setting it on fire. Yes, seriously. Governor Tina Kotek recently announced another big idea to stop wildfires in Oregon. The...

Texas Bans THC, Instructs Citizens to “Just Get Drunk Like God Intended”

AUSTIN, TX — In a bold return to the golden age of moral panic and liver damage, the Texas House passed Senate Bill 3 late Wednesday night, banning all intoxicating THC products while reaffirming the state’s unwavering belief that the only righteous way to unwind is with state-sanctioned poison....
Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

SALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all the state’s biggest problems: by taking a big pile of your tax money… and setting it on fire. Yes, seriously. Governor Tina Kotek recently announced another big idea to...

Three Arrested After Bodies Found Near Oakridge, Including Two Teens

Three Arrested After Bodies Found Near Oakridge, Including Two Teens

Three people have been arrested in connection with the deaths of a man and a teenage girl found southeast of Oakridge on May 20, according to the Lane County Sheriff’s Office. Detectives say the two victims showed signs of “homicidal violence.” Their names haven’t...

Undocumented Drug Mule Busted in Oregon with 60 Pounds of Fentanyl

Undocumented Drug Mule Busted in Oregon with 60 Pounds of Fentanyl

A man unlawfully residing in the United States is facing federal charges after Oregon State Police discovered more than 60 pounds of powdered fentanyl during a traffic stop near Albany, Oregon. According to the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of Oregon,...

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