In a bold and completely normal security upgrade, Tesla has officially deployed fire-breathing robot dogs to patrol its dealerships nationwide. The flamethrower-equipped quadrupeds, affectionately dubbed "CyberHounds," have already proven to be highly effective at...
Adventures
10 Oregon Hikes So Pretty They’ll Make You Forget About Your Seasonal Depression
Ah, springtime in Oregon—a magical season when the sun teases us with its presence for exactly 3.5 minutes before disappearing behind an eternal wall of clouds. For months, you’ve been wrapped in a burrito of seasonal depression and flannel, doom-scrolling on your...
New Study: Women Say Six Inches of Subway is Just Right, Footlongs Are ‘Too Much’
A groundbreaking new study has finally settled the age-old debate: according to a nationwide survey, most women agree that a six-inch Subway sandwich is the perfect size. Conducted by the highly respected Institute of Culinary and Statistical Research, the study found...
Portland Walmart Tests New AI-Powered Doors That Don’t Open For Tweakers
PORTLAND, OR – Walmart has unveiled a bold new experiment in Portland, testing out cutting-edge AI-powered technology designed to combat a growing problem: tweakers. The store’s automatic doors are now equipped with advanced artificial intelligence that can detect...
HEAT WAVE: Local Dad in Fresh Kicks Fires Up The Grill As Temps in Oregon Soar Above 50 Degrees
SPRINGFIELD, OR — The scent of lighter fluid and overconfidence filled the air Friday afternoon as local dad, Greg Thompson, triumphantly wheeled out his Weber grill, declaring it "grilling season" the moment temperatures climbed to a balmy 50 degrees. Despite a...
Millions of Blooms Await! Don’t Miss the 2025 Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival in Oregon
Rows and rows of colorful tulips on a foggy morning or a crisp spring day are the perfect way to welcome spring. The Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival offers blooms, hot air balloons, wine, and family fun! Spring in Oregon means one thing—tulip season! The Wooden Shoe Tulip...
Man Mauled by Bear at Crater Lake, TikTok Live Ends Right When It Gets Good
It started as any other adventure vlog—Kyle, self-proclaimed "wilderness influencer" and part-time crypto enthusiast, set out on a solo trek through Crater Lake National Park in search of "epic, untouched content." Armed with nothing but his phone, a knockoff GoPro,...
Winter Weather Update: Roads, Schools, and Conditions in the Willamette Valley
Snow, ice, and freezing rain impacted the Willamette Valley but a warm-up by midday Friday is improving conditions. Key Updates: Salem Roads: Main roads are mostly clear but residential streets remain icy. City crews are plowing and sanding primary and secondary...
Governor Kotek Consults Psychic Medium to Finally Get a Response from Trump
SALEM, OR — Frustrated by the complete lack of communication from the Trump administration regarding Oregon’s frozen federal funding, Governor Tina Kotek has taken an unconventional approach: hiring a psychic medium to establish contact with President Trump. "We've...
Local Man in Shock After Seeing California Driver Properly Use Blinker
EUGENE, OR — Local resident Kevin Dawson is reportedly still in a state of disbelief after witnessing what experts are calling a “statistical anomaly” on I-5: a California driver properly using a turn signal. “I almost drove off the road,” said Dawson, still visibly...
The Most Bizarre Museum in Oregon Will Leave You Scratching Your Head in Wonder
If you're on the hunt for something delightfully weird in Portland, The Zymoglyphic Museum is an absolute must-see. Tucked away in the quiet Mount Tabor neighborhood, this hidden gem celebrates the bizarre, the beautiful, and the downright fascinating. With free...
Two Women Stabbed While Walking in Downtown Eugene, Suspect Still at Large
Eugene residents are reminded to stay alert and cautious after a troubling incident occurred on the evening of January 11, 2025. Two women in their 20s were stabbed near W. 2nd Avenue and Madison Street, prompting a swift response from the Eugene Police Department and...