WASHINGTON, D.C. — Longtime U.S. Senator Ron Wyden (D–NY by lifestyle, OR by paperwork) reportedly had a fleeting thought about visiting the state of Oregon this week, according to sources close to his travel assistant. The moment occurred while he was booking a...
Adventures
This Secret Bar Built in an Old Silo in Remote Oregon Is So Cool, Locals Don’t Want You to Find It
In the remote town of Spray, Oregon—population just a few hundred—something extraordinary has taken root along the banks of the John Day River. What was once a weathered old grain silo is now Ben’s Bar, a cozy riverside hideout that might just be the most unique new...
Oregon Caves Chateau Named One of America’s Most Endangered Historic Places
A beloved Southern Oregon landmark is once again in the spotlight — this time, as one of the most endangered historic places in America. The Oregon Caves Chateau, a nearly century-old lodge tucked away in the Siskiyou Mountains near Cave Junction, was officially named...
Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us
PORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone on a park bench downtown, openly reading a physical newspaper instead of doomscrolling his phone like a normal, emotionally fragile person....
40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend
BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly...
Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight
OREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known only as “Dreadmor, Lord of the Drizzle” emerged from a mossy coastal cave on Monday, flinching at the brightness of the midday sun and audibly hissing...
Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List
SALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in the nation’s highly competitive Most Expensive State To Be Broke rankings, closing the gap with longtime champion California. “Oregon is showing real promise,”...
Finally, a Summer Theme Park Where No Kids Poop in the Lazy River and a 100% Chance of Blacking Out By Noon
ORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the lazy river — and every adult will be aggressively blacked out by lunchtime. Lazy River Lagoon, opening this summer, has been described as “Spring...
That Methy Neighbor Wearing Headlamp at 2:30AM Is Just One Bolt Away From Wrapping It Up
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Residents of a quiet suburban street were once again reassured by the familiar clanking of socket wrenches and muttered profanity echoing through the neighborhood as that really cool methy neighbor resumed work on his eternally disassembled Honda...
Ride This Coastal Train In Oregon For A Spring Break Adventure You’ll Never Forget
If you're looking for the perfect spring break activity on the Oregon Coast, this is it. Sun, sea air, coastal charm—and the nostalgic click-clack of a historic train. The Spring Break Excursion aboard the Oregon Coast Scenic Railroad is back for 2025, and it's a...
Tesla Dealerships Now Patrolled by Robot Dogs That Breathe Fire
In a bold and completely normal security upgrade, Tesla has officially deployed fire-breathing robot dogs to patrol its dealerships nationwide. The flamethrower-equipped quadrupeds, affectionately dubbed "CyberHounds," have already proven to be highly effective at...
10 Oregon Hikes So Pretty They’ll Make You Forget About Your Seasonal Depression
Ah, springtime in Oregon—a magical season when the sun teases us with its presence for exactly 3.5 minutes before disappearing behind an eternal wall of clouds. For months, you’ve been wrapped in a burrito of seasonal depression and flannel, doom-scrolling on your...