Satire

Oregon Man With Allergies Can’t Wait for Spring to Turn His Face Into a Leaky Faucet

Eugene, OR—Local resident Dave Mulligan is eagerly counting down the days until spring, despite the fact that his immune system has already raised the white flag. “I just love warmer weather,” Dave said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and sinus congestion from last year’s pollen massacre....

Trump Announces National ‘Bring Your Wife to Work So She Can Cook’ Day

Washington, D.C. – In a move that has left both critics and supporters scratching their heads, President Donald Trump has declared the first Monday of every June as National 'Bring Your Wife to Work So She Can Cook' Day. The announcement was made during a press conference at the White House, where...

Portland Tests ‘Meth-Free Zone’ by Playing Nickelback’s Greatest Hits on Repeat Downtown

Portland is taking bold steps to curb downtown drug use with a groundbreaking initiative that’s sure to shake things up—or at least leave residents humming a few regrettable tunes. The city has officially announced plans to blast Nickelback's Greatest Hits on repeat throughout downtown streets in...

Oregonians Baffled by Mysterious Yellow Orb in Sky, Panic Ensues

A shocking phenomenon unfolded in Oregon today as thousands of residents were left squinting and disoriented by the sudden appearance of a mysterious yellow orb in the sky. Experts, still reeling from the unexpected event, have confirmed the source of the blinding light to be none other than the...

Salem Man Feeling Pretty Good About 4th Basket of Tortilla Chips at Mexican Restaurant

SALEM, OR—In a bold move that can only be described as "heroically gluttonous," local man Derek Caldwell ordered a fourth basket of tortilla chips at a downtown Mexican restaurant Friday evening. Witnesses report that Caldwell, who was deep in conversation about "how weird raccoons are," placed...
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