Satire

Oregon Facebook Data Center Quietly Processes Kotek’s Latest Criticism Of Data Centers

PRINEVILLE, Ore. — Workers at an Oregon Facebook data center reportedly went about their day as usual this week, quietly processing Governor Tina Kotek’s latest criticism of data centers without commenting on the situation. The post, which warned about the growing demands data centers can place on...

Scientists Confirm Earth Fully Healed Thanks To Oregon’s 5-Cent Bag Fee

SALEM, Ore. — After decades of concern over melting glaciers, rising oceans, drought, wildfires, plastic pollution and the slow destruction of the natural world, scientists announced this week that the planet has finally been restored to perfect health thanks to Oregon’s five-cent grocery bag fee....

Bend City Council Considers Ban On Vehicles Without Bike Rack, Ski Rack, Or Kayak Straps

BEND, OR — In what city officials are calling a long-overdue effort to “protect Bend’s visual identity,” the Bend City Council is reportedly considering a new ordinance that would prohibit vehicles from operating within city limits unless they are equipped with at least one approved piece of...

Oregon Officials Review Latest Data, Troubled To Find Some Residents Still Making Ends Meet

SALEM, Ore. — Oregon officials reportedly called an emergency meeting this week after reviewing the latest cost-of-living data and discovering a troubling trend: a small number of residents may still have money left after paying their monthly bills. The discovery came during what sources described...

Ron Wyden Announces Bold New Wildfire Plan: ‘Fine, I’ll Do It Myself’

With Oregon firefighters reportedly operating with roughly half the staffing and resources they need during a record-setting wildfire season, U.S. Sen. Ron Wyden has apparently decided there is only one reasonable solution left. He’s going in. After meeting Monday with firefighters and officials...

PORTLAND, Ore. — In what officials are calling a major step forward for aquatic inclusivity, Oregon announced this week that all public swimming pools will be required to employ at least one certified drag queen lifeguard during Pride Month. The new program,...

Gov. Tina Kotek Debuts Bold New Purple Mohawk

Gov. Tina Kotek Debuts Bold New Purple Mohawk

PORTLAND, OR — Oregon Governor Tina Kotek shocked residents this week after unveiling a dramatic new purple mohawk during a public appearance, prompting widespread confusion over whether the hairstyle was a personal choice, a political statement, or the result of an...

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