PORTLAND, OR — Tension rippled through Powell’s City of Books on Tuesday after a smooth-skinned weirdo with no visible tattoos and—more disturbingly—no bumper stickers on his car was seen casually walking into the store. Witnesses say the man, described by one...
News
Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.
Wildfire Erupts Near Rowena Crest, Level 3 Evacuations Ordered
ROWENA, Ore. — A fast-moving wildfire erupted Wednesday afternoon near the iconic Rowena Crest viewpoint in the Columbia River Gorge, forcing urgent Level 3 “Go Now” evacuations in the area. The Wasco County Sheriff’s Office reported the fire shortly after 1:30 p.m.,...
Officials Urge Rioters to Stretch Before Peacefully Yeeting Bricks for Injury Prevention
PORTLAND, OR — In anticipation of this weekend’s peaceful protest that definitely won’t involve any windows mysteriously shattering themselves, city health officials have released a helpful reminder to all would-be demonstrators: “Don’t forget to stretch before...
Local Woman Sips Warm White Claw, Finds Peace After Watching Flip-Flop Drift Off Into the Current
OREGON — It was supposed to be just another day of lazy tubing, questionable sunscreen application, and aggressively warm seltzers. But for one local woman, the universe had something deeper in store — a reckoning of the soul, delivered via footwear. Kayla Dunham, 31,...
Dutch Bros Moves Out of Oregon, Says It’s Part of Growth Strategy
GRANTS PASS, Ore. — One of Oregon’s most iconic brands is making a big move—but says it’s not turning its back on the Beaver State. Dutch Bros, the wildly popular coffee chain that got its start as a humble pushcart in Grants Pass in 1992, announced this week that...
Migrants Flee After Federal Agents Project AI Trump Riding Eagle at Border
NOGALES, AZ — Migrants attempting to cross the U.S.-Mexico border fled in confusion and terror this week after federal agents deployed a towering AI-generated hologram of former President Donald Trump riding a bald eagle, sources confirmed. Witnesses say the...
Newsom Freshly Gelled Up, Assures Californians Everything’s Under Control
LOS ANGELES, CA — Gleaming like a freshly waxed Tesla and strutting with the confidence of a man who just cured drought with cucumber water, California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines Monday after addressing statewide unrest from the steamy comfort of a rooftop...
Woman With Hairy Chest Wins Award for Best Chest in the West
PORTLAND, OR — History was made this weekend at the Rocky Mountain Regional Hair-Off when 29-year-old Cassidy “Cactus” McBride strutted away with the coveted Best Chest in the West trophy—despite fierce competition from local lumberjacks, bass players, and at least...
Portland Man Who Says Property Damage Isn’t Violence Invites Protesters to Peacefully Burn His House Down
“It’s time I lived my values,” says local man as he sets out organic snacks and fair trade matches. PORTLAND, OR — Declaring that “true solidarity means flammability,” local activist Caleb Renner has officially invited a group of protesters to peacefully burn his...
Springfield Mother Who Tased Her 7-Year-Old Gets 15-Year Sentence
LANE COUNTY, Ore. – A Springfield woman has been sentenced to 15 years in prison after admitting to a disturbing pattern of child abuse, including the use of a stun gun on her seven-year-old son. Heather Black, 36, was arrested in October alongside her boyfriend,...
Newborn Baby Abandoned at Oregon Convenience Store Just Minutes from Hospital
In a heartbreaking scene that has stunned the community, a newborn baby was abandoned Saturday morning at a Dari Mart on M Street in Springfield—just half a mile from McKenzie-Willamette Medical Center. Yes, you read that right. Someone left a helpless infant at a...
New Nirvana Fans Born After 2005 Shocked to Learn Band Isn’t a Hot Topic Clothing Line
UNITED STATES — In a stunning revelation that rocked suburban malls across America, thousands of teens born after 2005 were reportedly shocked to discover that Nirvana is not, in fact, a clothing brand exclusively sold at Hot Topic. “I just thought it was like Vans or...