News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident’

PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who identifies as post-geographic and...

UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing

MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press conference held in a padded room...

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...

Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button

U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...
12 Year Old Girl Missing In Portland May Be In Danger

12 Year Old Girl Missing In Portland May Be In Danger

On October 13th, 2022, 12 year old Jayla Mae Warren disappeared from her foster home in Portland Oregon. She is five feet six inches tall, weighs 110 pounds, is black, and has brown eyes and black hair. She typically wears sweatpants and tank tops. The Oregon...

4.4 Magnitude Earthquake Near Sweet Home Friday Morning

4.4 Magnitude Earthquake Near Sweet Home Friday Morning

Sweet Home, Oregon - A 4.4 magnitude earthquake hit near Sweet Home, Oregon, just before 6 am Friday morning, according to the U.S. The earthquake was officially recorded at 5:52am. Geological Survey. Over the past 24 hours, Sweet Home had 3 small quakes between...

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