News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...

Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button

U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...

Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis

In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the future, one log at a time.” The...

Oregon State Scientists Baffled as Willamette River Births New Glow-in-the-Dark Creature

WILLAMETTE VALLEY, OR — In a groundbreaking yet deeply unsettling discovery, scientists at Oregon State University have confirmed the spontaneous emergence of a glow-in-the-dark humanoid creature from the depths of the notoriously murky Willamette River. According to witnesses, the creature,...
An Oregon Man Assumed a Dead Child’s Identity For Over 30 Years

An Oregon Man Assumed a Dead Child’s Identity For Over 30 Years

A Gresham man who according to The Oregonian assumed the identity of a dead child over 30 years ago, has not only been working under the child's name, but even collected double in retirement benefits. Court records show the man who is 70 now, Robert Lizarraga, was...

Take A Fun Train Ride At This Popular Oregon Pumpkin Patch

Take A Fun Train Ride At This Popular Oregon Pumpkin Patch

As the air becomes cooler, the sun sets earlier and the leaves change to vibrant colors across Oregon, we are once again reminded fall time is here. While I personally love summer and warmer weather, I absolutely look forward to the autumn season. With so many pumpkin...

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