News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Woman Asks If Jeans Make Her Look Fat, Already Decided They Do

TUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend for the 497th time if her jeans made her look fat, despite having already rendered a silent, irrevocable verdict of “yes” the moment she buttoned them. “I...

Pale Little Oregon Man Spotted in Tank Top; Witnesses in Troutdale Call It “Too Soon”

TROUTDALE, OR — In a shocking display of seasonal overconfidence, local man Darren Melby was reportedly seen walking down Main Street in a salmon-pink tank top Thursday morning, sending townsfolk into a mild panic and causing three drivers to swerve. “He was just out there, arms fully exposed like...

Doctors Confirm You’re Technically Still Alive, Just Tired Forever After Age 36

ATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking new report released Friday, doctors from the National Institute of Realistic Health confirmed that individuals over the age of 36 are, in fact, technically still alive—though most are now operating in a permanent state of exhaustion, emotionally numb caffeine...

Local Meth Cook Gives Back by Providing Free ‘Science Lessons’ to Youth

EUGENE, OR — In an inspiring display of community spirit, local meth entrepreneur Travis "Sparky" Jenkins has announced a new initiative aimed at educating the next generation of scientists: free backyard "science lessons" for area youth. “I just want to give back, you know?” said Jenkins, who...

Joe Biden Spotted Casually Driving Ice Cream Truck Through Downtown Portland

PORTLAND, OR — In what city officials have described as "just another Tuesday," former President Joe Biden was spotted casually driving an old-school ice cream truck through downtown Portland this afternoon, smiling brightly and proudly holding up an ice cream cone to passersby. Witnesses say...
Update: Mill Fire In Weed California Now Over 3,921 Acres

Update: Mill Fire In Weed California Now Over 3,921 Acres

Yesterday the Mill fire raged through parts of Weed California, destroying many homes and prompting evacuations in Weed, Lake Shastina, Grenada, and other nearby areas. Today the fire is over 3,921 acres, and 20 percent contained. California recently secured a FEMA...

Fatal Crash On Highway 101 In Gleneden Beach Oregon

Fatal Crash On Highway 101 In Gleneden Beach Oregon

On August 15th, 2022 at 10:21 am there was an accident involving a dump truck with three fatalities on Highway 101 at Milepost 122 in Gleneden Beach Oregon. Depoe Bay Fire, Pacific West Ambulance, North Lincoln Fire, and Lincoln County Sheriffs responded. Life flight...

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