News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Oregon Man’s Depression Downgraded from “Crippling” to “Moody” After Full Day of Sunshine

Creswell, OR — In what mental health experts are calling “a minor miracle” and “the emotional equivalent of unclenching your jaw,” local man Kyle Benson’s depression was officially downgraded from crippling to merely moody following an unprecedented full day of sunshine in Stayton, Oregon. The...

Portland Family Says Final Goodbyes to Dad Who Bravely Drank From Benson Bubbler

PORTLAND, OR — A local family is in mourning after 44-year-old Ron Breckman tragically passed away this week following what experts are calling “a reckless and ultimately fatal decision” to drink directly from a downtown Portland Benson Bubbler. “He just leaned in and drank,” said his wife, Susan...

Report: Someone Needs to Quiet That Sniveling Brat Immediately

SALEM, OR — A routine grocery run at the WinCo Foods off Commercial Street in Salem turned into a full-blown auditory crisis Friday morning after a local child—described by witnesses as "small but emotionally explosive"—unleashed a battle cry somewhere between a velociraptor and a foghorn near the...

Bill Could Make Cellphone Use in Oregon Classrooms a Thing of the Past

A statewide ban on cell phones in Oregon’s K-12 classrooms could soon be on the books, following years of discussion and rising concern over the impact of personal devices on student learning and well-being. On Wednesday, March 26, the House Committee on Education held a public hearing on House...

BREAKING: Cat Confirms It Did, In Fact, Lick the Lasagna

In a stunning turn of events Tuesday evening, household cat Mr. Biscuits has officially confirmed that he licked the lasagna, and, according to inside sources, would “do it again in a heartbeat.” The lasagna, a bubbling tray of cheesy perfection prepared by 34-year-old Julia Patterson for her book...
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