News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Trump to Reopen Toys “R” Us as Maximum Security Prison for “Really Bad Kids”

BEDMINSTER, NJ — In a bold move to “bring back law, order, and Geoffrey the Giraffe,” former President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he will personally oversee the reopening of defunct toy store chain Toys “R” Us — this time as a maximum security prison exclusively for unruly children....

This Oregon Coast Beach Was Ranked the Best Spot to Watch a Seagull Steal a Burrito From a Toddler

CANNON BEACH, OR — In a move that shocked no one familiar with Oregon’s coastal crime wave of airborne kleptomaniacs, Cannon Beach has officially been ranked the most scenic location to witness a seagull violently rob a child of a full-size burrito in broad daylight. The incident that inspired the...

Bend Man Completes Full Conversation Without Mentioning He Mountain Bikes

BEND, OR — In what experts are calling a “statistical anomaly” and “spiritual awakening,” local resident Tyler Hensley reportedly completed an entire five-minute conversation on Friday without once mentioning that he mountain bikes. The exchange took place at a local coffee shop known for...

Oregon Drivers Celebrate Sunshine by Staring at Men Wearing Neon Vests Holding Stop Signs

PORTLAND, OR — As the skies clear and temperatures begin to climb, Oregonians are once again flocking to their favorite summer destination: the driver’s seat of a stationary vehicle, parked on a half-paved road, silently observing a group of neon-clad men holding STOP signs like sacred relics of...

Oregon Lawmakers Introduce Bill to Ban Duck Hunt Zapper: “No Civilian Needs an Orange Plastic Firearm”

SALEM, OR — In a move critics are calling “a bold leap backward,” Oregon lawmakers behind controversial gun control Measure 114 have now set their sights on a new threat: the 1985 Nintendo Zapper. Dubbed Measure 114½, the proposed legislation would ban the sale, possession, and inheritance of the...
Oregon Retiree Strikes Gold with $1M Powerball Win!

Oregon Retiree Strikes Gold with $1M Powerball Win!

In a thrilling revelation, a resident of Mill City, Oregon recently discovered a golden ticket worth $1 million! This captivating tale unfolds from a simple routine check on the Powerball numbers, which has now turned the life of one retiree and his wife upside-down,...

Troutdale Family of Four Perish in Deschutes County Collision

Troutdale Family of Four Perish in Deschutes County Collision

As reported by The Oregonian, a somber atmosphere has enveloped Deschutes County following a harrowing multi-vehicle collision that took the lives of four members from one family on Thursday evening. The details, confirmed over the weekend by Oregon State Police,...

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