News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Archaeologists Unearth Mysterious Metal Artifact in Oregon, May Date Back to Late 1970s

FORT ROCK, OR — Archaeologists working near the site of Oregon’s famed ancient sandals have stumbled upon a curious metallic object of unknown function, believed to date back to the late 1970s—a time period researchers refer to as “post-Woodstock but pre-Reagan, culturally speaking.” The object,...

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly timed leap off a rock in 2017....

Easter Bunny Quits Lloyd Center Gig After Getting Jumped by Toddler With Brass Knuckles

PORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal duties at the Lloyd Center this weekend after reportedly being ambushed by a 3-year-old wielding toddler-sized brass knuckles and a sippy cup full of Red Bull....

CDC Warns Zombie Outbreak Probably Unlikely, But Also Definitely Starting in Portland’s Amtrak Station

PORTLAND, OR — In a newly released report blending cautious optimism with a strong whiff of apocalyptic dread, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced Wednesday that while a zombie outbreak is “probably unlikely,” it is also “definitely beginning inside Portland’s Amtrak...

Oregon Passes New Gun Law Limiting Citizens to Only Single-Shot Muskets

SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to reduce gun violence and increase reloading time to a full 90 seconds, Oregon lawmakers have passed a new bill that limits all private citizens to only single-shot muskets. Governor Tina Kotek signed the bill into law Tuesday while dramatically quoting...
New Plan Offers Lower-Income Oregon Veterans Free Dental

New Plan Offers Lower-Income Oregon Veterans Free Dental

The Oregon Health Authority is gearing up to launch a no-cost dental program for lower-income veterans. This month it opened the application process, and on Jan. 1 the program will launch. No one knows how many will sign up and qualify among Oregon’s 300,000 veterans...

12 Year Old Girl Missing In Portland May Be In Danger

12 Year Old Girl Missing In Portland May Be In Danger

On October 13th, 2022, 12 year old Jayla Mae Warren disappeared from her foster home in Portland Oregon. She is five feet six inches tall, weighs 110 pounds, is black, and has brown eyes and black hair. She typically wears sweatpants and tank tops. The Oregon...

X