News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Oregon Capitol Swaps Gold Man for Dad Bod Guy Holding a Vape to Better Represent the Future

SALEM, OR — In a historic and absolutely necessary move, Oregon officials have replaced the iconic Gold Man statue atop the State Capitol with a shirtless, vape-clutching dad bod guy, a bold tribute to the future of civilization. The new statue, affectionately dubbed “Rip the Pioneer”, stands in...

Fyre Festival 2 Promises to Strand Attendees Before They Even Arrive

Fyre Festival 2 is officially happening, and organizers are promising the most authentic festival experience yet—so authentic, in fact, that attendees should expect to be stranded before they even arrive. But this time, founder and convicted fraudster Billy McFarland wants everyone to know that...

‘I’m Good for One More’: 37-Year-Old Dad of Two Boldly Orders Another Round at 10:15 PM

“I’m good for one more,” said 37-year-old dad of two, Brad Simmons, at precisely 10:15 PM, stunning his coworkers into silence. Witnesses at O’Malley’s Pub reported that the statement was made with the kind of reckless optimism typically reserved for people in their mid-20s or those who still...

Oregon Braces for a Full Week of Raining Cats and Dogs – Local Shelters at Capacity

Oregon residents are in for a ruff week as meteorologists confirm that, yes, it will indeed be raining cats and dogs for the next seven days straight. With fluffy precipitation already falling in some areas, local shelters are struggling to keep up, and pet stores are reporting record sales of...

Man Who Identifies as Turtle Requests Residency at Oregon Zoo, Cites ‘Natural Habitat’

PORTLAND, OR — Local man Brian “Snappy” Thompson has officially petitioned the Oregon Zoo to recognize his true identity as a turtle and grant him permanent residency in the reptile exhibit. “I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a turtle trapped in a human’s body,” said Thompson, who arrived at...
Warm Springs to Reopen Kah-Nee-Ta Village in 2023

Warm Springs to Reopen Kah-Nee-Ta Village in 2023

A favorite hot springs to soak located in Central Oregon is slated to open in 2023, encouraging more tourism dollars and hospitality jobs to the Warm Springs Reservation. Sadly Kah-Nee-Ta had let go of all of its employees when they closed its doors in 2018, due to...

Snow & Heavy Wind Closes I-84 Through Columbia River Gorge

Snow & Heavy Wind Closes I-84 Through Columbia River Gorge

With snow dumping and high winds in the Columbia River Gorge, multiple sources are reporting Interstate 84 has been closed in both directions at milepost 17 in Troutdale to milepost 82 near The Dalles. The Oregon Department of Transportation (ODOT) closed the section...

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