News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Portland Solves Downtown Drug Crisis Instantly With Bold New ‘Drug-Free Zone’ Signs

PORTLAND, OR — In a stunning turn of events, downtown Portland’s decades-long struggle with open-air drug use has officially ended—thanks to a bold new policy initiative: putting up a lot of signs. Lining the street like hopeful little soldiers, a series of “DRUG-FREE ZONE” signs now boldly mark...

Trump Proposes New Holidays: ‘We’re the Best Day’ and ‘Other Countries Are Losers Day’

PALM BEACH, FL — In a late-night post on Truth Social sandwiched between rants about wind turbines and the deep state, former President Donald Trump announced a bold new plan to reshape the American holiday calendar by adding two new national holidays: “We’re the Best Day” and “Other Countries Are...

Portland Protesters Demand More Things to Protest

PORTLAND, OR — In a surprising show of unity, hundreds of Portland protesters gathered downtown Tuesday not to decry a specific issue, but to demand more things to be upset about. “Frankly, we’re running out,” said protester Kai Evergreen, who held a blank cardboard sign in silent defiance. “We’ve...

New Oregon Zip Line Debuts With Thrilling New Twist: Direct Collision With Tree

BEND, OR — In what Deschutes County officials are calling “an immersive forest engagement experience,” a new zip line attraction has opened just outside Bend — and instead of a smooth landing, it launches riders face-first into a very large pine tree. The ride, funded by an emergency eco-tourism...

Woman Asks If Jeans Make Her Look Fat, Already Decided They Do

TUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend for the 497th time if her jeans made her look fat, despite having already rendered a silent, irrevocable verdict of “yes” the moment she buttoned them. “I...
Oregon Ranks Fourth in Pumpkin Spice Latte Obsession, But Why?

Oregon Ranks Fourth in Pumpkin Spice Latte Obsession, But Why?

The leaves haven’t even started their colorful autumn transition, and yet there's already a buzz about pumpkin spice lattes. And not surprisingly (or maybe surprisingly for some of us), Oregon has been identified as the 4th most pumpkin spice latte-obsessed state in a...

Oregon Among the Top Five States for Skyrocketing Home Prices

Oregon Among the Top Five States for Skyrocketing Home Prices

Portland, Ore. – With the real estate market in constant flux, recent research by SelfStorage, an online self-storage finder, has shed light on the states experiencing the most significant upticks in home prices. While Idaho stole the limelight with an astonishing...

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