Alarming Study Shows Average Oregonian Owns 47 Reusable Grocery Bags and Still Somehow Pays for Another One Anyway
CORVALLIS, OR — In a groundbreaking study that absolutely no one asked for, researchers confirmed Tuesday that the average Oregonian owns approximately 47 reusable grocery bags, yet continues to stand at checkout saying, “Oh… I forgot them,” before reluctantly agreeing to pay for another one. The study, conducted by the very serious-sounding Pacific Northwest Behavioral Institute, found that 94% of reusable bags are currently residing in one of three locations: the trunk of the car, a pile in...
TRAVEL
Oregon is a beautiful destination for travelers who enjoy exploring the great outdoors. With its diverse landscape of mountains, forests, waterfalls, and coastline, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.
This Chill Pizza Spot Serves Up A Slice Of Serious Flavor In Portland
New York-style pizza, Portland attitude. Baby Doll Pizza is known for bold flavors, big slices, and an offbeat vibe.
Locals Are Lining Up For Free Burgers At Burgerville Grand Opening In Bend
The first 100 paying customers at the grand opening will score a gift card loaded with the equivalent of 52 Original Cheeseburgers. That’s one free burger a week for a year, just for showing up early and ordering breakfast.
This Unassuming Oregon Spot Is Serving Up Road Trip Worthy Burgers
Eagle Cap is the kind of spot where locals celebrate birthdays and travelers feel like they’ve found a hidden gem, especially when craving a big, juicy, made-from-scratch burger.
FOOD & DRINK
Explore Oregon’s food and drink scene – from locally sourced ingredients to craft brews and award-winning wines. Plan your culinary adventure now!
Locals Are Lining Up For Free Burgers At Burgerville Grand Opening In Bend
The first 100 paying customers at the grand opening will score a gift card loaded with the equivalent of 52 Original Cheeseburgers. That’s one free burger a week for a year, just for showing up early and ordering breakfast.
Gotcha Burger Bringing Its Famous Patties to Valley River Center and Corvallis
Big burger news is sizzling in western Oregon—Gotcha Burger is expanding with not one, but two new locations, and fans in Eugene and Corvallis are about to get a whole lot beefier. The first of the...
Hey Y’all Is A Southern Food Cart In Oregon Serving Biscuits & Gravy So Good You’ll Think You’re In Tennessee
If you’re even remotely serious about breakfast—or just crave the kind of Southern food that sticks to your soul—you’ll want to carve out time to visit Hey Y’all, a food cart on Barger Drive in...
Doctors Confirm You’re Technically Still Alive, Just Tired Forever After Age 36
ATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking new report released Friday, doctors from the National Institute of Realistic Health confirmed that individuals over the age of 36 are, in fact, technically still alive—though most are now operating in a permanent state of exhaustion,...
Local Meth Cook Gives Back by Providing Free ‘Science Lessons’ to Youth
EUGENE, OR — In an inspiring display of community spirit, local meth entrepreneur Travis "Sparky" Jenkins has announced a new initiative aimed at educating the next generation of scientists: free backyard "science lessons" for area youth. “I just want to give back,...
Joe Biden Spotted Casually Driving Ice Cream Truck Through Downtown Portland
PORTLAND, OR — In what city officials have described as "just another Tuesday," former President Joe Biden was spotted casually driving an old-school ice cream truck through downtown Portland this afternoon, smiling brightly and proudly holding up an ice cream cone to...
Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us
PORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone on a park bench downtown, openly reading a physical newspaper instead of doomscrolling his phone like a normal, emotionally fragile person....
Sad: Loser Photographer Just Needs to Give it Up, Because Let’s Be Honest His Work is Trash
Roseburg, OR — In a heartbreaking but entirely predictable development, local Roseburg man Tyler McMannis reportedly spent yet another weekend wandering Oregon’s scenic trails, clinging desperately to his Canon EOS camera like it wasn’t already over for him. Witnesses...
Oregon Named Best State To Raise A Little Free-Range Anarchist With A Trust Fund
PORTLAND, OR — In news that surprised absolutely no one and disappointed absolutely everyone’s grandparents, Oregon has officially been named the best state to raise a little free-range anarchist with a trust fund. The groundbreaking report, issued by the National...
Prineville Proudly Becomes First Sanctuary City for Straight White Men
PRINEVILLE, OR — In a historic move celebrated by men who still know how to change a tire, Prineville has officially declared itself the first Sanctuary City for Straight White Men in Oregon — and maybe the last safe place left west of Idaho. The resolution, passed...
80s Babies Rejoice As ‘From A Hose’ Bottled Water Finally Hits Store Shelves
U.S. — In a move hailed as “the greatest beverage innovation since Tang,” Crystal Stream announced today the release of their new limited-edition bottled water flavor, “From A Hose,” sending shockwaves of nostalgia through millions of Americans born in the 1980s. The...
Parents Announce Baby Was Born Seed Oil-Free, Plan to Raise Him on Rainwater and Beef Tallow
PORTLAND, OR — In what health experts are calling "a medical miracle and/or a Facebook group fever dream," new parents Chad and Sage Turner of Forest Grove proudly announced that their newborn son, Braven, entered the world completely free of seed oils — a triumph...
New Study Finds 100% of Deer Crossing Roads Really Could Give a Crap Less
UNITED STATES — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what drivers have long suspected: when it comes to crossing roads, 100% of deer really could give a crap less. Researchers at Oregon State University spent six months observing deer behavior on highways,...