Tourist Mispronounces Willamette, Immediately Deported Back to California
PORTLAND, OR — A Southern California tourist was escorted to the Oregon–California border Tuesday after loudly referring to the Willamette River as the “Will-Uh-Mah-Tee,” a pronunciation so catastrophically off-base that officials classified it as an “Immediate Deportation Scenario.” The incident occurred inside a downtown Portland food hall, where the tourist — identified only as “Brad from Huntington Beach” — pointed at a mural and confidently said, “Hey babe, look, it’s the Will-Uh-Mah-Tee...
TRAVEL
Oregon is a beautiful destination for travelers who enjoy exploring the great outdoors. With its diverse landscape of mountains, forests, waterfalls, and coastline, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.
This Unassuming Oregon Spot Is Serving Up Road Trip Worthy Burgers
Eagle Cap is the kind of spot where locals celebrate birthdays and travelers feel like they’ve found a hidden gem, especially when craving a big, juicy, made-from-scratch burger.
This Cafe’s Gooey Cinnamon Rolls Are Reason Enough to Hit the Oregon Coast
Discover homemade cinnamon rolls, fresh pastries, and espresso at Salmon Harbor Cafe in Winchester Bay. This cozy spot by the marina serves up breakfast, lunch, and local charm.
Twelve Men Stabbed at Oregon Shelter with Five Hospitalized in Critical Condition
SALEM, Ore. — In yet another tragic reminder of Oregon’s growing public safety crisis, twelve men were stabbed at a Salem homeless shelter Sunday night — five of them now fighting for their lives in...
FOOD & DRINK
Explore Oregon’s food and drink scene – from locally sourced ingredients to craft brews and award-winning wines. Plan your culinary adventure now!
This Tiny Tackle Shop In Hebo Has a Breakfast Sandwich That’ll Hook You for Life
Open at 4AM, this hidden spot in Hebo is slinging breakfast sandwiches loaded with bacon, egg, and cheese on flaky biscuits or muffins.
Elmer’s Set to Open in Former Shari’s Location in Bend
BEND, Ore. — For longtime Oregonians, the familiar glow of a Shari’s sign once meant warm pies, late-night coffee refills, and a place where countless stories were shared across laminated menus. But...
This New Bend Pizza Joint Has Locals Addicted to the Pasta and Wings, Too
There’s something special happening on the east side of Bend, Oregon. It’s not another brewery or food cart pod—it’s pizza. But this isn’t your average slice. Fat Tony’s Pizzeria is turning out...
Dad Knows It’s Time to Let Go, Yet Folds the Boxers and Gently Returns Them to the Drawer
Boring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless over his laundry basket Monday afternoon, clutching a pair of severely compromised boxers he’s owned since the Bush administration. The boxers,...
Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year
SWEET HOME, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that local husband Dave Ellsworth stood motionless and dead-eyed as his wife, Amanda, held up yet another leafy green stranger and announced, “Everyone say hi to Juniper!” It was the 86th time this year. Dave, who hasn’t...
People You Regret Voting For Hold Emergency Session to Dream Up Taxes That Don’t Exist Yet but Probably Should
In a move that perfectly embodies everything you feared after the election but told yourself to “wait and see,” the people you now deeply regret voting for held an emergency meeting today—not to fix potholes, homelessness, or anything remotely useful—but to invent...
Bigfoot Joins Tinder, Women Ditch Their Men After Reading: ‘I Chop Wood and Disappear Like Your Dad’
HOOD RIVER, OR — In what experts are calling the most emotionally devastating swipe in Oregon history, Bigfoot has officially joined Tinder with a bio so powerful it has women across the Pacific Northwest dumping their boyfriends mid-swipe. The bio in question?“I chop...
New Club “Granny Grinders” Opens in Oregon With 65+ Dancers, Bingo, and Zero Teeth Required
Springfield, OR — Residents were once again left clutching their pearls this week after hearing rumors about yet another offbeat strip club opening in their neighborhood — but this time, it’s not pregnant women causing a stir. It’s grandmothers. The new establishment,...
Goodwill Boutique Staff Confused Why Poor People Keep Trying to Shop There
NEWPORT, OR — Staff at the Goodwill Boutique on Cape & Donation Center are reportedly “deeply puzzled” by the steady stream of financially struggling people who keep showing up under the false assumption that this is a place for affordable clothing — rather than a...
Authorities Raid West Coast Game Park Safari in Bandon Over Suspected Animal Abuse
BANDON, Ore. — The long-troubled West Coast Game Park Safari was raided Thursday morning by Oregon State Police in what animal advocates are calling a long-overdue reckoning. According to OSP, multiple search warrants were executed at the Bandon-based roadside zoo as...
Costco Shopper with Blinker On Willing to Die for That One Spot Near the Cart Corral Occupied by Woman Buckling Three Kids into Minivan
EUGENE, OR — In a scene that has become all too familiar in the notoriously congested parking lot of Eugene's Costco, a local man was observed steadfastly waiting with his blinker on for a prime parking spot near the cart corral, despite the current occupant—a woman...
New Oregon Law Requires Fish to Verbally Consent Before Being Caught
PORTLAND, OR — In a landmark decision for aquatic rights, Oregon lawmakers have passed legislation requiring anglers to obtain verbal consent from fish before attempting to catch them. House Bill 4042, known officially as the “Hooked on Consent Act,” was signed into...
Oregon Man Sells Kidney to Afford Studio Apartment With Shared Toilet
PORTLAND, OR — In a bold move to finally escape his parents' basement and experience the magic of paying $2,100 a month for 380 square feet of “industrial charm,” local man Kyle Dennison has successfully sold one of his kidneys to secure a studio apartment in...