News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Research Finds Finest Coffee Poured by Baristas With Nose Ring, 12 Pronouns, and Zero Eye Contact

BEND, ORE— A newly published study from the Oregon Culinary Arts & Beverage Institute has revealed that the highest-rated coffee in the state is consistently brewed by baristas who share three key characteristics: a prominent nose ring, at least 12 self-identified pronouns, and an unwavering...

Oregon Adds Safe Spaces to Prisons in Case Murderers Feel Uncomfortable

SALEM, OR — In a bold new effort to make convicted murderers feel a little more at ease during their lengthy prison sentences, Oregon officials have announced the rollout of in-prison safe spaces — fully furnished with leather couches, decorative wall paneling, a calming “Safe Place” sign, and,...

Pathetic: Guy Who Sucks at Regular Golf Now Sucks at Disc Golf, Too

Eugene, OR — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, local man Trevor McMichaels has confirmed that his deeply embedded lack of athletic skill seamlessly translates from traditional golf to disc golf. “I just figured I’d try disc golf because it’s more laid back,” Trevor said, moments before...

Archaeologists Unearth Mysterious Metal Artifact in Oregon, May Date Back to Late 1970s

FORT ROCK, OR — Archaeologists working near the site of Oregon’s famed ancient sandals have stumbled upon a curious metallic object of unknown function, believed to date back to the late 1970s—a time period researchers refer to as “post-Woodstock but pre-Reagan, culturally speaking.” The object,...

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly timed leap off a rock in 2017....
Kidnapping Suspect Wanted in Oregon For Torture

Kidnapping Suspect Wanted in Oregon For Torture

Police say a man accused of torturing a woman in Oregon and convicted in Nevada of holding another captive is using dating apps to find new victims and avoid the police. The 36-year-old, Benjamin Obadiah Foster, has been the target of an intensive, round-the-clock...

Court Battle Over New Oregon Gun Control Law Still Ongoing

Court Battle Over New Oregon Gun Control Law Still Ongoing

On November 8th, 2022, Oregonians voted to pass Measure 114, a new law that would change requirements to purchase and own a firearm. This measure was supposed to go into effect on December 8th, 2022, but as of January 4th, 2023, the measure has not gone into effect,...

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