REI Says Goodbye to Downtown Eugene After Three Decades
After more than three decades on Lawrence Street, Eugene’s REI is packing up the climbing ropes, hiking boots, and paddleboards and heading across town. The outdoor co-op has called downtown home since 1992, tucked into the old Eugene Planing Mill building that gave the store its character and timber-beam charm. For a lot of locals, it wasn’t just a place to grab trail mix before a backpacking trip. It was part of the rhythm of downtown. Wander in for socks, walk out with a tent you absolutely...
TRAVEL
Oregon is a beautiful destination for travelers who enjoy exploring the great outdoors. With its diverse landscape of mountains, forests, waterfalls, and coastline, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.
This Unassuming Oregon Spot Is Serving Up Road Trip Worthy Burgers
Eagle Cap is the kind of spot where locals celebrate birthdays and travelers feel like they’ve found a hidden gem, especially when craving a big, juicy, made-from-scratch burger.
This Cafe’s Gooey Cinnamon Rolls Are Reason Enough to Hit the Oregon Coast
Discover homemade cinnamon rolls, fresh pastries, and espresso at Salmon Harbor Cafe in Winchester Bay. This cozy spot by the marina serves up breakfast, lunch, and local charm.
Twelve Men Stabbed at Oregon Shelter with Five Hospitalized in Critical Condition
SALEM, Ore. — In yet another tragic reminder of Oregon’s growing public safety crisis, twelve men were stabbed at a Salem homeless shelter Sunday night — five of them now fighting for their lives in...
FOOD & DRINK
Explore Oregon’s food and drink scene – from locally sourced ingredients to craft brews and award-winning wines. Plan your culinary adventure now!
This Cafe’s Gooey Cinnamon Rolls Are Reason Enough to Hit the Oregon Coast
Discover homemade cinnamon rolls, fresh pastries, and espresso at Salmon Harbor Cafe in Winchester Bay. This cozy spot by the marina serves up breakfast, lunch, and local charm.
This Tiny Tackle Shop In Hebo Has a Breakfast Sandwich That’ll Hook You for Life
Open at 4AM, this hidden spot in Hebo is slinging breakfast sandwiches loaded with bacon, egg, and cheese on flaky biscuits or muffins.
Elmer’s Set to Open in Former Shari’s Location in Bend
BEND, Ore. — For longtime Oregonians, the familiar glow of a Shari’s sign once meant warm pies, late-night coffee refills, and a place where countless stories were shared across laminated menus. But...
BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident’
PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who...
UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing
MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press...
Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom
In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated...
Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning...
Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button
U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic...
Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis
In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the...
Oregon State Scientists Baffled as Willamette River Births New Glow-in-the-Dark Creature
WILLAMETTE VALLEY, OR — In a groundbreaking yet deeply unsettling discovery, scientists at Oregon State University have confirmed the spontaneous emergence of a glow-in-the-dark humanoid creature from the depths of the notoriously murky Willamette River. According to...
Oregon Man’s Depression Downgraded from “Crippling” to “Moody” After Full Day of Sunshine
Creswell, OR — In what mental health experts are calling “a minor miracle” and “the emotional equivalent of unclenching your jaw,” local man Kyle Benson’s depression was officially downgraded from crippling to merely moody following an unprecedented full day of...
Portland Family Says Final Goodbyes to Dad Who Bravely Drank From Benson Bubbler
PORTLAND, OR — A local family is in mourning after 44-year-old Ron Breckman tragically passed away this week following what experts are calling “a reckless and ultimately fatal decision” to drink directly from a downtown Portland Benson Bubbler. “He just leaned in and...
Report: Someone Needs to Quiet That Sniveling Brat Immediately
SALEM, OR — A routine grocery run at the WinCo Foods off Commercial Street in Salem turned into a full-blown auditory crisis Friday morning after a local child—described by witnesses as "small but emotionally explosive"—unleashed a battle cry somewhere between a...