News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly timed leap off a rock in 2017....

Easter Bunny Quits Lloyd Center Gig After Getting Jumped by Toddler With Brass Knuckles

PORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal duties at the Lloyd Center this weekend after reportedly being ambushed by a 3-year-old wielding toddler-sized brass knuckles and a sippy cup full of Red Bull....

CDC Warns Zombie Outbreak Probably Unlikely, But Also Definitely Starting in Portland’s Amtrak Station

PORTLAND, OR — In a newly released report blending cautious optimism with a strong whiff of apocalyptic dread, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced Wednesday that while a zombie outbreak is “probably unlikely,” it is also “definitely beginning inside Portland’s Amtrak...

Oregon Passes New Gun Law Limiting Citizens to Only Single-Shot Muskets

SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to reduce gun violence and increase reloading time to a full 90 seconds, Oregon lawmakers have passed a new bill that limits all private citizens to only single-shot muskets. Governor Tina Kotek signed the bill into law Tuesday while dramatically quoting...

Oregon Hikers Report Being Stopped by Wandering Wizard Demanding Their Marijuana Gummies

SILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OR — What began as a peaceful afternoon hike took an unexpectedly magical turn this week when a group of Oregon hikers reported being stopped by a robed wizard demanding “their finest marijuanas.” “He looked exactly like Gandalf,” said hiker Kyle B., still visibly in awe....
Self-Service Gas In Oregon: Separating Fact From Fiction

Self-Service Gas In Oregon: Separating Fact From Fiction

Recently a new bill approving the legalization of self-serve gas was approved by Oregon Governor Tina Kotek. While many consider this a good thing, especially in rural areas, news surrounding the new bill has led to some confusion for Oregon drivers. Can you roll up...

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