News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

“This Protest Sure Is Neato,” Says Man Who Hasn’t Moved More Than 6 Feet Since Clocking Out, While His Meatloaf Waits at Home

PORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless in traffic for the third consecutive hour due to a massive anti-Trump protest downtown. “This protest sure is neato,” Waller muttered to himself, beads of stress...

Cannon Beach Tuft Puffin Takes a Little Poo on Unsuspecting Tourist

CANNON BEACH, Ore. – In what wildlife officials are calling “a majestic act of nature,” a tufted puffin at Cannon Beach reportedly took a perfectly aimed, suspiciously intentional poo directly onto the head of an unsuspecting tourist from Des Moines. Witnesses say the event occurred just after...

New Study Finds 97% of Streaming Time Spent Just Scrolling Across 6+ Subscriptions

In a groundbreaking study that surprises absolutely no one, researchers have confirmed that 97% of the average person's time on streaming platforms is spent endlessly scrolling through titles while slowly losing the will to live—despite having more than six active subscriptions. "We expected some...

“Eugene Squirrels Are Straight-Up Trippin’ After Being Fed Psilocybin Mushrooms,” Officials Say

EUGENE, OR — City officials are urging residents to stop feeding psychedelic mushrooms to local squirrels, after what one parks employee described as a “full-blown squirrel consciousness shift” unfolded near the duck pond at Alton Baker Park earlier this week. “We’ve seen a dramatic uptick in...

Weekend BBQ Plans Proceed as Dad Secures Down Payment on Ribeyes

SWEET HOME, OR — After weeks of intense financial planning and one extremely awkward meeting with a steak loan officer, local dad Ron Beckett has officially secured a down payment on two USDA Choice ribeye steaks—just in time for his long-awaited weekend BBQ. “We had to move some things around,”...
Aurora Borealis in Oregon? Psyche! The Mix-Up Explained

Aurora Borealis in Oregon? Psyche! The Mix-Up Explained

You remember how we chatted about the possibility of seeing the Northern Lights here in Oregon this week? Well, we messed up and need to set things straight. Despite what was buzzing around, according to Jim Todd, the OMSI Director of Science Education, we're not...

Oregon Moves Towards Legalizing Self-Service Gas Stations

Oregon Moves Towards Legalizing Self-Service Gas Stations

In a historic move, the Oregon state legislature has passed a bill allowing consumers to pump their own gas, a practice previously prohibited since 1951. The self-service gas bill passed the state Senate with bipartisan support, 16-9, following its approval in the...

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