News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

M&Ms To Be Coated With Kale Slime Following New Ban on Food Dyes

U.S. — In a bold new step to ensure Americans never enjoy anything ever again, candy manufacturer Mars announced that all colorful M&Ms will now be coated in a thick layer of organic kale slime following HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s sweeping ban on artificial food dyes. The move comes...

New Study: Meth Users Found to Be World’s Leading Experts in Unattended Tool Acquisition

EUGENE, OR — A shocking new study released Monday has confirmed what many suspected all along: meth users are now the world’s foremost experts in unattended tool acquisition, also known in some legal circles as “theft.” The study, conducted by researchers who asked to remain anonymous for “obvious...

Tina Kotek Shocks Oregon By Coming Out As Gay Moments After Coming Out As Gay

SALEM, OR — In a shocking and emotional press conference that rocked the state’s political establishment to its core, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek announced Tuesday that she is gay — again — just moments after announcing the same thing. “I just want to live my truth,” Kotek said, holding back tears....

City of Corvallis Now Requires At Least Four Pronouns to Enter City Limits

CORVALLIS, OR — In a bold step toward what city leaders are calling “radical inclusion,” Corvallis has officially declared itself a sanctuary city for gender-diverse individuals — and with it, implemented a new entry requirement: visitors must now present at least four pronouns to legally enter...

Local Dad’s Confidence Skyrockets After Snagging $24.99 Camo Shorts at Target

ESTACADA, OR — In a stunning transformation just in time for warmer weather, local dad Mike Reynolds reportedly achieved peak seasonal confidence Thursday afternoon after purchasing a pair of $24.99 camo cargo shorts from the Target clearance rack. Witnesses say Reynolds, 43, strutted out of the...
Poachers in Oregon Now Face Jail During Elk Season

Poachers in Oregon Now Face Jail During Elk Season

The majestic landscapes of Oregon, bursting with lush forests and abundant wildlife, have long been the pride of its residents. From the casual hiker to the dedicated hunter, all treasure the state’s wildlife - which is why the poaching crime spree near Pendleton, OR,...

Officials Searching For Missing Idaho Teen Believed to Be in Oregon

Officials Searching For Missing Idaho Teen Believed to Be in Oregon

PORTLAND, Oregon — The search is intensifying for a teenager, originally from Boise, Idaho, who authorities suspect might currently be in the Oregon area. Local communities and residents of the Pacific Northwest are being called upon to assist in the search for Shyla...

Voodoo Doughnut Officially Sucks

Voodoo Doughnut Officially Sucks

You’ve no doubt seen the ubiquitous pink boxes being carefully shepherded through the Portland airport by tourists, giddy to bring home a taste of “quirky” Portlandia. You may have also seen the long lines of customers snaking around the block on 3rd Ave in Old Town,...

Saying Goodbye to 8 p.m. Sunsets as Portland Slides into Fall

Saying Goodbye to 8 p.m. Sunsets as Portland Slides into Fall

The Pacific Northwest, often cloaked in its rain-draped reputation, unveils a vibrant summer palette that stands in stark contrast to common perceptions. The sunsets here are, without a doubt, in a class by themselves. As summer caresses the Northwest, it swathes the...

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