News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Woman Asks If Jeans Make Her Look Fat, Already Decided They Do

TUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend for the 497th time if her jeans made her look fat, despite having already rendered a silent, irrevocable verdict of “yes” the moment she buttoned them. “I...

Pale Little Oregon Man Spotted in Tank Top; Witnesses in Troutdale Call It “Too Soon”

TROUTDALE, OR — In a shocking display of seasonal overconfidence, local man Darren Melby was reportedly seen walking down Main Street in a salmon-pink tank top Thursday morning, sending townsfolk into a mild panic and causing three drivers to swerve. “He was just out there, arms fully exposed like...

Doctors Confirm You’re Technically Still Alive, Just Tired Forever After Age 36

ATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking new report released Friday, doctors from the National Institute of Realistic Health confirmed that individuals over the age of 36 are, in fact, technically still alive—though most are now operating in a permanent state of exhaustion, emotionally numb caffeine...

Local Meth Cook Gives Back by Providing Free ‘Science Lessons’ to Youth

EUGENE, OR — In an inspiring display of community spirit, local meth entrepreneur Travis "Sparky" Jenkins has announced a new initiative aimed at educating the next generation of scientists: free backyard "science lessons" for area youth. “I just want to give back, you know?” said Jenkins, who...

Joe Biden Spotted Casually Driving Ice Cream Truck Through Downtown Portland

PORTLAND, OR — In what city officials have described as "just another Tuesday," former President Joe Biden was spotted casually driving an old-school ice cream truck through downtown Portland this afternoon, smiling brightly and proudly holding up an ice cream cone to passersby. Witnesses say...
Young Woman Dies After Falling from Cliff in Columbia River Gorge

Young Woman Dies After Falling from Cliff in Columbia River Gorge

A young woman lost her life after a tragic fall from a cliff while hiking in the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon, authorities reported on Monday. The incident occurred near Horsetail Falls, located approximately 35 miles east of Portland. On Sunday, the woman, hiking...

Sunny Skies Return In Oregon As Weekend May Hit 90 Degrees

Sunny Skies Return In Oregon As Weekend May Hit 90 Degrees

Grab your shades, Oregonians, because warmer and sunnier days are finally heading our way! Starting Wednesday, the greater Portland and Vancouver metro areas will bask in some much-needed sunshine. After a chilly, frosty morning in the Willamette Valley, temperatures...

15 Oregon Police Cars Torched in Overnight Fire

15 Oregon Police Cars Torched in Overnight Fire

Portland, Oregon, has been grappling with increasing disorder in recent years, a narrative underscored by a recent incident at a northeastern police training facility. In the early hours of Thursday morning, a deliberate act of arson resulted in at least 15 police...

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