EUGENE, OR — A frantic search for a local feline came to a mellow conclusion Thursday afternoon after “Mittens,” a 3-year-old tabby, was located at a nearby house party, absolutely blitzed and sprawled across a bean bag chair in a dense fog of incense and weed smoke.
“We thought he was lost or maybe hit by a car,” said owner Marissa Caldwell, still shaken but increasingly irritated. “Turns out he just wandered into the neighbor’s backyard, got offered a hit off a gravity bong, and never looked back.”
Neighbors confirmed that Mittens had “been chillin’” with them since late Tuesday, after meowing outside their sliding glass door during a 2 a.m. Cypress Hill listening session.
“We figured he was just vibing,” said housemate Chad “Spoons” Denison. “He hopped up on the couch, headbutted the grinder, then curled up in a Cheech & Chong hoodie. Dude clearly wanted this.”
Photos show Mittens in various states of euphoria, including one where he’s stretched out on a record player while Pink Floyd’s Echoes plays softly in the background. A half-eaten plate of nachos and three used catnip joints were found nearby.
Animal control briefly considered charging the tenants with feline negligence, but ultimately decided that “Eugene laws are pretty chill about this sort of thing.”
As of press time, Mittens had reportedly ghosted his owners again—last seen leaving the house with a guy on a longboard named “Mushroom Dave.”
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