SALEM, OR — Local sources confirmed Tuesday that a Salem man died peacefully in his seat at the Oregon DMV, his skeleton still patiently waiting for its number to be called. Witnesses said the man, who…
A new analysis ranking Oregon among the worst states to relocate to has shocked absolutely no one within Oregon’s borders, where the news was met with the kind of smug satisfaction usually reserved for hearing that…
PORTLAND, Ore. — What started as a casual afternoon swim in the Willamette River ended with one local man unintentionally becoming Portland’s newest source of renewable energy. Witnesses say 34-year-old Derek Morrison emerged from the Kelly…
In a bold move sure to shake up Oregon’s political landscape, former House Minority Leader Christine Drazan has publicly confirmed what many suspected: she is, in fact, into men. The announcement, which came alongside a $55,000…
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirm local man David Palmer spent Thursday evening perfecting the art of marital non-listening, offering a steady stream of “mm-hmms” during his wife’s 14-minute monologue about the Hendersons next door while simultaneously…
In a rare moment of bipartisan unity, Americans across the political spectrum confirmed this week that the $4.99 Costco rotisserie chicken is the only thing keeping the United States from plunging into complete and irreversible economic…
SALEM — Governor Tina Kotek has signed what critics are calling “Oregon’s most ambitious piece of lawn equipment legislation in history,” officially classifying all lawn mowers — riding, push, gas, electric, or otherwise — as motor…
So you’ve made the rookie mistake. You told someone you’re from Oregon. You were just trying to be polite. Maybe you thought they’d ask about Crater Lake or comment on how green everything is. But instead,…
BEND, Ore. — In what officials are calling “either a miracle or a minor kaiju sighting,” a Bend woman has reportedly reeled in a 7-foot-long crawdad from the Deschutes River. Sarah Lynn Haverford, 33, said she…
In the misty mountains of the Pacific Northwest, a new romance trend is bubbling up—literally. Experts say that the secret to romance in this neck of the woods might just lie in the region’s famous hot…
HEAVEN — In what celestial insiders are calling the most shocking lineup shakeup in millennia, sources confirmed Tuesday that heavy metal icon Ozzy Osbourne will headline Heaven’s main stage this summer, prompting Lucifer himself to file…
BANDON, OR — In a bold move that has marine biologists questioning their life choices, a new Oregon Coast attraction is allowing visitors to “saddle up” and ride dolphins like aquatic cowboys. The park, officially named…