Adventures

Finally, a Summer Theme Park Where No Kids Poop in the Lazy River and a 100% Chance of Blacking Out By Noon

ORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the lazy river — and every adult will be aggressively blacked out by lunchtime. Lazy River Lagoon, opening this summer, has been described as “Spring Break meets early retirement” —...

That Methy Neighbor Wearing Headlamp at 2:30AM Is Just One Bolt Away From Wrapping It Up

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Residents of a quiet suburban street were once again reassured by the familiar clanking of socket wrenches and muttered profanity echoing through the neighborhood as that really cool methy neighbor resumed work on his eternally disassembled Honda Civic at exactly 2:30AM. Armed...

Ride This Coastal Train In Oregon For A Spring Break Adventure You’ll Never Forget

If you're looking for the perfect spring break activity on the Oregon Coast, this is it. Sun, sea air, coastal charm—and the nostalgic click-clack of a historic train. The Spring Break Excursion aboard the Oregon Coast Scenic Railroad is back for 2025, and it's a delightful way for families,...

Tesla Dealerships Now Patrolled by Robot Dogs That Breathe Fire

In a bold and completely normal security upgrade, Tesla has officially deployed fire-breathing robot dogs to patrol its dealerships nationwide. The flamethrower-equipped quadrupeds, affectionately dubbed "CyberHounds," have already proven to be highly effective at deterring crime, unwanted...

10 Oregon Hikes So Pretty They’ll Make You Forget About Your Seasonal Depression

Ah, springtime in Oregon—a magical season when the sun teases us with its presence for exactly 3.5 minutes before disappearing behind an eternal wall of clouds. For months, you’ve been wrapped in a burrito of seasonal depression and flannel, doom-scrolling on your couch, and debating whether it’s...
Christmas Eve & Christmas Day Hours: What’s Open in Oregon?

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day Hours: What’s Open in Oregon?

Are grocery stores open in Oregon on Christmas?Most grocery stores across Oregon will have reduced hours on Christmas Eve and be closed on Christmas Day. Here’s a breakdown of major chains: Albertsons and Safeway: Open on Christmas Eve with reduced hours. While most...

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