Multnomah County Somehow Misplaces $150,000 in Gift Cards
PORTLAND, Ore. — In what absolutely no one familiar with government oversight will find surprising, Multnomah County has announced it cannot account for more than $150,000 in gift cards and cash-equivalent incentives handed out over the last few years. The missing funds, per a story from FOX 12 Oregon, were distributed through the Multnomah County Health Department between 2022 and 2025, where gift cards were apparently used as incentives for various programs. The idea was simple enough: hand...
TRAVEL
Oregon is a beautiful destination for travelers who enjoy exploring the great outdoors. With its diverse landscape of mountains, forests, waterfalls, and coastline, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.
This New Oregon Restaurant Is Serving Sushi Tacos and We’re Already Obsessed
If Eugene had a food love language, Kasumi House would be fluent in it. This isn’t one of those places that tries to impress you with buzzwords or over-designed plates. Kasumi House is cool in the...
Pedal Through The Valley Or Enjoy Brunch On A Relaxing Santiam Excursion Train Ride
Date Night On A Willamette Valley Train Ride? Yes Please. If you’ve ever driven through the Willamette Valley and caught yourself staring a little too long at the railroad tracks, wondering where...
There’s a Beach in Oregon You Can Only Reach by Walking Through a Cliff
There’s something deeply compelling about a beach you have to earn. And on the Oregon Coast, few places capture that feeling quite like Tunnel Beach. Though it’s no longer a total secret, Tunnel...
FOOD & DRINK
Explore Oregon’s food and drink scene – from locally sourced ingredients to craft brews and award-winning wines. Plan your culinary adventure now!
Smoky Goodness And Mouthwatering BBQ Are Front And Center At This Newport Gem
BBQ magic await at The Wilds Tap House & BBQ in Newport, Oregon. Dive into smoky brisket, ribs, wings, and scratch-made sides.
The Line May Be Long at Cone Heads, but This Cottage Grove Ice Cream Shop Is Totally Worth It
Tucked inside the Cottage Grove public market is a 200-square-foot ice cream shop that’s quickly become one of Oregon’s best-kept secrets: if you can find a moment without a line out the door....
Just Minutes From Portland, This Classic Drive-In Has Been Serving Up Juicy Burgers Since 1968
Craving thick milkshakes, crispy fries, and old-school burgers? This retro drive-in just 13 minutes from Portland has been dishing out classic American eats since the 60s.
BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident’
PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who...
UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing
MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press...
Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom
In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated...
Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning...
Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button
U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic...
Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis
In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the...
Oregon State Scientists Baffled as Willamette River Births New Glow-in-the-Dark Creature
WILLAMETTE VALLEY, OR — In a groundbreaking yet deeply unsettling discovery, scientists at Oregon State University have confirmed the spontaneous emergence of a glow-in-the-dark humanoid creature from the depths of the notoriously murky Willamette River. According to...
Oregon Man’s Depression Downgraded from “Crippling” to “Moody” After Full Day of Sunshine
Creswell, OR — In what mental health experts are calling “a minor miracle” and “the emotional equivalent of unclenching your jaw,” local man Kyle Benson’s depression was officially downgraded from crippling to merely moody following an unprecedented full day of...
Portland Family Says Final Goodbyes to Dad Who Bravely Drank From Benson Bubbler
PORTLAND, OR — A local family is in mourning after 44-year-old Ron Breckman tragically passed away this week following what experts are calling “a reckless and ultimately fatal decision” to drink directly from a downtown Portland Benson Bubbler. “He just leaned in and...
Report: Someone Needs to Quiet That Sniveling Brat Immediately
SALEM, OR — A routine grocery run at the WinCo Foods off Commercial Street in Salem turned into a full-blown auditory crisis Friday morning after a local child—described by witnesses as "small but emotionally explosive"—unleashed a battle cry somewhere between a...