Oregon Leaders Urge Homeowners To Set Firearms Aside And Kindly Talk Things Out With Intruders
SALEM, OR — In what officials are calling a “more compassionate approach to unexpected late-night visitors,” Oregon leaders this week urged residents to set firearms aside and instead engage in calm, respectful dialogue with anyone breaking into their homes. “At the end of the day, a home invasion is really just a conversation that hasn’t happened yet,” said one state official during a press conference. “We believe most intruders simply need to feel heard.” Under the updated guidance,...
TRAVEL
Oregon is a beautiful destination for travelers who enjoy exploring the great outdoors. With its diverse landscape of mountains, forests, waterfalls, and coastline, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.
One of Oregon’s Longest-Running Favorite Donut Shops Opened in 1974
There are some places you visit once. And then there are places that quietly become part of your routine, your road trips, your family traditions. Joe’s Donuts in Sandy, Oregon is the latter. Joe's...
This 80,000-Year-Old Underground Cave Is Unlike Anything Else in Oregon
There’s a moment when you reach the top of the staircase at Lava River Cave and feel the air rising from below. It’s cold, steady, and carries that faint mineral scent that tells you this isn’t just...
Locals Line Up for the Fish and Chips at This Unassuming Stop Just Off Highway 101
Some days on the Oregon coast feel like they’re meant for surprises, and discovering J’s Fish & Chips was exactly that kind of day. It’s the kind of place you could drive past a dozen times...
FOOD & DRINK
Explore Oregon’s food and drink scene – from locally sourced ingredients to craft brews and award-winning wines. Plan your culinary adventure now!
The Woman-Owned Saloon In Oregon That Feels Like A Western Movie Come To Life
Blue Duck Saloon in Prineville, Oregon may be off the beaten path, but for those who know where to look, it has become a destination worth every mile. The saloon has built a reputation on elevated...
Killer Burger Opens New Location in Bend, Bringing Its Iconic Peanut Butter Pickle Bacon Burger to Central Oregon
Bend, Ore. — The wait is over for burger fans in Central Oregon. According to a report from KTVZ, Killer Burger has officially opened its doors in Bend, marking the chain’s latest expansion across...
The Mouthwatering BBQ Spot Where Animal House Was Filmed And Brisket Is King
Savor slow-smoked brisket, ribs, and pulled pork at Rattlesnake BBQ in Oregon, where bold flavors, house-made sauces, and hearty sides create a mouthwatering BBQ experience worth the drive.
Parents Announce Baby Was Born Seed Oil-Free, Plan to Raise Him on Rainwater and Beef Tallow
PORTLAND, OR — In what health experts are calling "a medical miracle and/or a Facebook group fever dream," new parents Chad and Sage Turner of Forest Grove proudly announced that their newborn son, Braven, entered the world completely free of seed oils — a triumph...
New Study Finds 100% of Deer Crossing Roads Really Could Give a Crap Less
UNITED STATES — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what drivers have long suspected: when it comes to crossing roads, 100% of deer really could give a crap less. Researchers at Oregon State University spent six months observing deer behavior on highways,...
Oregon Reassures Residents After Cyberattack: ‘Don’t Worry, Your Data’s Probably Fine, Maybe, Who Knows.’
SALEM, OR — After hackers dumped 1.3 million files from the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality onto the dark web, state officials quickly reassured the public with the kind of soothing, half-hearted optimism that has become an Oregon trademark: "Don't worry,...
Sources Confirm Neighborhood Child Might Even Go Outside This Weekend
U.S. — In a development no one saw coming, sources have confirmed that 12-year-old neighborhood resident Brandon Lunsford might actually go outside this weekend, sparking cautious optimism among local parents and wildlife experts alike. Brandon, best known for...
America Faces Crisis: No More Drunk 2AM Taco Runs as Jack in the Box Shutters Nationwide
U.S. — In a move described by many as a "direct attack on poor decision-making," Jack in the Box has announced the closure of dozens of its locations across the country, sending shockwaves through the nation’s drunk and deeply hungry population. Once hailed as the...
Local Man Casually Stands at Edge of Lawn for 45 Minutes Just to Let Everyone Know He Did That
BEND, OR — Sources confirm that 53-year-old Brian Halverson spent approximately 45 full minutes this past Saturday standing silently at the edge of his freshly mowed lawn, arms crossed and chin slightly elevated, just long enough for every neighbor within visual range...
Sad: Oregon Creamery’s Full Tub of Ice Cream Now Just a Tiny Micro-Pint Thanks to Inflation
OREGON — In yet another crushing blow to dessert lovers and economic optimism, Oregon-based creamery Tillamaybe has officially replaced its iconic 48 oz ice cream tub with what it’s calling a "micro-pint" — a portion so small it legally qualifies as a sample. The...
Oregon Democrats Introduce Bill to Replace Axe Throwing With Safe Space Rubber Dart Toss
SALEM, OR — Concerned that the ancient, rugged art of axe throwing may be promoting toxic masculinity, Oregon Democrats have introduced a bold new bill that would ban the practice statewide and replace it with something more emotionally enriching: the Safe Space...
M&Ms To Be Coated With Kale Slime Following New Ban on Food Dyes
U.S. — In a bold new step to ensure Americans never enjoy anything ever again, candy manufacturer Mars announced that all colorful M&Ms will now be coated in a thick layer of organic kale slime following HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s sweeping ban on...
New Study: Meth Users Found to Be World’s Leading Experts in Unattended Tool Acquisition
EUGENE, OR — A shocking new study released Monday has confirmed what many suspected all along: meth users are now the world’s foremost experts in unattended tool acquisition, also known in some legal circles as “theft.” The study, conducted by researchers who asked to...