SPRINGFIELD, OR — Local woman Kelly Harmon was reportedly enjoying a quiet Saturday morning, sipping coffee and pretending she didn’t have responsibilities, when a chill ran down her spine. “It hit me all at once,” she said, staring into the void. “We’re out of everything. And the only place open with $6 sweatpants, expired yogurt, and reasonably priced motor oil is… Walmart.” Witnesses say Harmon let out an audible sigh, followed by a thousand-yard stare that lasted nearly eight full minutes....