Satire

Texas Bans THC, Instructs Citizens to “Just Get Drunk Like God Intended”

AUSTIN, TX — In a bold return to the golden age of moral panic and liver damage, the Texas House passed Senate Bill 3 late Wednesday night, banning all intoxicating THC products while reaffirming the state’s unwavering belief that the only righteous way to unwind is with state-sanctioned poison....

Oregon Approves Airbnb Cabin on Bandon’s Face Rock: “Definitely Safer Than It Looks”

BANDON, OR — In a groundbreaking move that combines coastal charm with what some are calling “blatant disregard for gravity,” Oregon officials have approved construction of a fully off-grid Airbnb cabin perched directly atop Bandon’s iconic sea stack, Face Rock. Dubbed “The Craggy Nook”, the...

Trump Clarifies Golden Dome Won’t Cover California: “They Had a Good Run”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference that left both geographers and Californians scratching their heads, President Donald Trump announced that his ambitious $175 billion “Golden Dome” missile defense system will encompass the entire United States — except for California. “We’re going to have...

Woman Awakens Peacefully to Birds Chirping, Immediately Reminded That Global Collapse is Near

ORTLAND, OR — After a rare full night of uninterrupted sleep, local woman Dana Wexler reportedly opened her eyes Thursday morning to the sound of birds chirping, a soft breeze drifting through her window, and the soul-crushing realization that global collapse is, in fact, near. “I felt oddly calm...

Walmart Warns Tariffs May Disrupt Flow of Goods Timed to Fail at 12:01 A.M. on Day 366

BENTONVILLE, AR — In a somber press conference held just steps from the seasonal bin of half-melted phone chargers, Walmart executives issued a stark warning Monday: rising tariffs on Chinese imports may severely disrupt the company’s ability to stock products precisely engineered to break one...
Oregon Becomes First State To Legalize Molly

Oregon Becomes First State To Legalize Molly

SALEM, OR -  Oregon has been in the news all year for legalizing marijuana for recreational use, and legalizing weed is only the beginning. Following the heels of the wave of marijuana legalization, some might be surprised to hear the Oregon state legislature has...

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