That Oregon Life · Stories & discoveries
Earlier stories from the Satire archive. Return to the latest stories →
RURAL HIGHWAY, USA — In what experts are calling a “statistically impossible yet somehow inevitable event,” a local child has once again declared an urgent need to use the restroom precisely five minutes after the final…
In a move no one saw coming—yet somehow makes complete sense in the most Oregon way possible—state officials have confirmed that Haystack Rock is being relocated to Central Oregon, where it will be placed right next…
EUGENE, OR — Local dad and self-proclaimed ‘grunge historian’ 43-year-old Mike Dawson spent the better part of Saturday afternoon explaining to his teenage son that Eugene was basically Seattle back in the early ‘90s. The two…
Yet another Oregon town has been thrust into the national spotlight, thanks to Quaint Living Weekly, a prestigious, possibly AI-generated publication that, despite its apparent influence, no one has actually seen in print. According to the…
So, you’ve found yourself in Oregon, the land of towering evergreens, infinite Columbia Sportswear jackets, and an IPA selection that makes most 5-star Michelin restaurant wine lists look concise. There’s just one problem: you hate IPA’s.…
You know you’ve gained 20 pounds in the last six months. Between your elite-level Netflix binging, late-night DoorDash orders, and a dedicated commitment to avoiding anything remotely strenuous, your body has fully adapted to a sedentary…
SALEM, OR — After years of speculation, confusion, and outright apathy, state officials have finally confirmed what many Oregonians have long suspected: Salem has a Capitol building, and that’s pretty much it. The announcement came during…
SALEM, OR — A new study has confirmed what every frustrated driver on I-5 already suspected: for many Oregonians, the left lane isn’t a place for efficient travel—it’s a sacred space for deep personal reflection at…
BEND, OR — A crisis of unprecedented proportions has rocked Central Oregon this week, as Bend’s last remaining Subaru dealership officially ran out of forest green Outbacks, sending thousands of residents into a full-blown identity spiral.…
It was a typical cloudy morning at a gas station just off I-5 in Salem, but for one Oregonian, it would become the scene of an epic rescue she’d never forget. Emily Thompson, a lifelong Portland…
In a groundbreaking post on Truth Social, former President Donald Trump announced an unprecedented partnership with legendary lumberjack Paul Bunyan and his trusty blue ox, Babe, to deliver "billions and billions" of gallons of water from…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a groundbreaking announcement today, Donald Trump declared that blue hair will soon be banned across the United States in an effort to "restore national pride and patriotism." The bold initiative, dubbed the…
