Adventures

Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us

PORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone on a park bench downtown, openly reading a physical newspaper instead of doomscrolling his phone like a normal, emotionally fragile person. Eyewitnesses reported that the man...

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly timed leap off a rock in 2017....

Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight

OREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known only as “Dreadmor, Lord of the Drizzle” emerged from a mossy coastal cave on Monday, flinching at the brightness of the midday sun and audibly hissing at a passing jogger. Witnesses...

Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List

SALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in the nation’s highly competitive Most Expensive State To Be Broke rankings, closing the gap with longtime champion California. “Oregon is showing real promise,” said lead economist Dana...

Finally, a Summer Theme Park Where No Kids Poop in the Lazy River and a 100% Chance of Blacking Out By Noon

ORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the lazy river — and every adult will be aggressively blacked out by lunchtime. Lazy River Lagoon, opening this summer, has been described as “Spring Break meets early retirement” —...
Oregon’s Homelessness Surges Despite Billions in Spending

Oregon’s Homelessness Surges Despite Billions in Spending

Oregon is in the midst of a worsening homelessness crisis, a problem that has plagued the state for years but has become particularly acute in recent times. According to an article published by The Oregonian in 2023, Oregon now ranks third in the nation for...

Become a Gourmet Chef at This Unique Farm-to-Table Cooking School in Oregon

Become a Gourmet Chef at This Unique Farm-to-Table Cooking School in Oregon

Ready to learn, laugh, and feast? This is a food adventure, and at the end of the night, you may find it hard to leave. Just 20 minutes south of Portland, The Kitchen at Middleground Farms offers a one-of-a-kind cooking and dining experience. Set on 17 acres of pretty...

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