News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...

Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button

U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...

Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis

In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the future, one log at a time.” The...

Oregon State Scientists Baffled as Willamette River Births New Glow-in-the-Dark Creature

WILLAMETTE VALLEY, OR — In a groundbreaking yet deeply unsettling discovery, scientists at Oregon State University have confirmed the spontaneous emergence of a glow-in-the-dark humanoid creature from the depths of the notoriously murky Willamette River. According to witnesses, the creature,...

Oregon Man’s Depression Downgraded from “Crippling” to “Moody” After Full Day of Sunshine

Creswell, OR — In what mental health experts are calling “a minor miracle” and “the emotional equivalent of unclenching your jaw,” local man Kyle Benson’s depression was officially downgraded from crippling to merely moody following an unprecedented full day of sunshine in Stayton, Oregon. The...
Oregon Among the Top Five States for Skyrocketing Home Prices

Oregon Among the Top Five States for Skyrocketing Home Prices

Portland, Ore. – With the real estate market in constant flux, recent research by SelfStorage, an online self-storage finder, has shed light on the states experiencing the most significant upticks in home prices. While Idaho stole the limelight with an astonishing...

Poachers in Oregon Now Face Jail During Elk Season

Poachers in Oregon Now Face Jail During Elk Season

The majestic landscapes of Oregon, bursting with lush forests and abundant wildlife, have long been the pride of its residents. From the casual hiker to the dedicated hunter, all treasure the state’s wildlife - which is why the poaching crime spree near Pendleton, OR,...

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