News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Man Downtown Portland Waving Machete Could Use a Hug

A man in downtown Portland, spotted waving a machete in the air and passionately arguing with a lamppost, appears to be in dire need of a hug, according to multiple witnesses who observed the situation with a mix of concern and understanding. "He wasn't really threatening anyone," said local...

Scientists Confirm Oregon Is the Worst Place on Earth in February

A groundbreaking study from the University of Oregon has confirmed what longtime residents have long suspected: Oregon is officially the worst place on Earth to exist during the month of February. “It’s essentially like living inside a wet sock,” said Dr. Philip Malweather, a local meteorologist...

SAD-Stricken Oregonians Seen Photosynthesizing in Public at First Glimpse of Sun

PORTLAND, OR – As Oregon remains firmly locked in its annual five-month-long “Gray Gloom Death Spiral,” residents are reporting extreme cases of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), with some even exhibiting plant-like behaviors in desperate attempts to absorb any available light. Eyewitnesses claim...

Corey Feldman’s Music in “Goonies 2” to Be Used as a Torture Device for the Bad Guys

In a bold and completely baffling creative decision, the producers of Goonies 2 have announced that the film’s soundtrack will be composed entirely of Corey Feldman’s music. But rather than being used to enhance the adventure and nostalgia of the long-awaited sequel, Feldman’s songs will serve a...

Experts Pretty Sure It’s the End Times, But Scientists Insist It’s Actually Just a Tuesday

WORLDWIDE — As mysterious new viruses, natural disasters, and general chaos unfold across the globe, leading experts have announced that they are “fairly certain” this is the beginning of the End Times. Meanwhile, scientists remain adamant that it’s just another Tuesday. “We’re seeing all the...
Officials Searching For Missing Idaho Teen Believed to Be in Oregon

Officials Searching For Missing Idaho Teen Believed to Be in Oregon

PORTLAND, Oregon — The search is intensifying for a teenager, originally from Boise, Idaho, who authorities suspect might currently be in the Oregon area. Local communities and residents of the Pacific Northwest are being called upon to assist in the search for Shyla...

Voodoo Doughnut Officially Sucks

Voodoo Doughnut Officially Sucks

You’ve no doubt seen the ubiquitous pink boxes being carefully shepherded through the Portland airport by tourists, giddy to bring home a taste of “quirky” Portlandia. You may have also seen the long lines of customers snaking around the block on 3rd Ave in Old Town,...

Saying Goodbye to 8 p.m. Sunsets as Portland Slides into Fall

Saying Goodbye to 8 p.m. Sunsets as Portland Slides into Fall

The Pacific Northwest, often cloaked in its rain-draped reputation, unveils a vibrant summer palette that stands in stark contrast to common perceptions. The sunsets here are, without a doubt, in a class by themselves. As summer caresses the Northwest, it swathes the...

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