CORVALLIS, OR — In a groundbreaking study that absolutely no one asked for, researchers confirmed Tuesday that the average Oregonian owns approximately 47 reusable grocery bags, yet continues to stand at checkout saying, “Oh… I forgot them,” before reluctantly agreeing to pay for another one.
The study, conducted by the very serious-sounding Pacific Northwest Behavioral Institute, found that 94% of reusable bags are currently residing in one of three locations: the trunk of the car, a pile in the garage, or inside a larger reusable bag that no one has opened since 2021.
Lead researcher Dr. Megan Holt described the phenomenon as “a uniquely Oregon form of optimism,” explaining that residents genuinely believe each trip to the store will finally be the one where they remember the bags.
“They place them by the door. They put reminders on their phone. One participant even left a sticky note on their steering wheel,” Holt said. “None of it mattered.”
The report also revealed that the average Oregonian experiences a brief internal debate at checkout:
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• “I’ll just carry it.”
• “No, it’s raining.”
• “I’ll juggle it.”
• “No, that’s too many items.”
• “Fine. I’ll pay for another one.”
Researchers noted that most newly purchased reusable bags immediately join the others in a quiet retirement community in the back seat, where they will remain untouched until the next decluttering attempt.
In a surprising twist, 68% of respondents claimed they “absolutely care about sustainability,” while simultaneously admitting they now own enough canvas totes to open a mid-sized outdoor retailer.
At press time, one local shopper was reportedly telling the cashier, “It’s okay, I needed another one anyway,” despite visibly running out of places to store them.
