Eugene, OR — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, local man Trevor McMichaels has confirmed that his deeply embedded lack of athletic skill seamlessly translates from traditional golf to disc golf.
“I just figured I’d try disc golf because it’s more laid back,” Trevor said, moments before shanking a neon pink driver directly into a blackberry bush with the force of a dying swan. “Turns out I still have the spatial awareness of a folding chair.”
The 34-year-old Eugene resident, who once racked up a 147 on a 9-hole par-3 course in Springfield, thought disc golf might be a more forgiving sport — one where his complete inability to control his limbs wouldn’t matter as much.
Spoiler: It did.
Witnesses at Westmoreland Disc Golf Course say Trevor spent more time bushwhacking and muttering to himself than actually throwing discs. “At one point, he tried a forehand flick and the disc went backwards. I didn’t even know that was possible,” said fellow player and innocent bystander Tyler Grimm. “It was like watching a baby deer try to escape a trampoline.”
Trevor, undeterred, blamed the wind, his shoes, and a nearby jogger’s “weird energy” for his performance. “I’m not usually this off,” he lied to his friends, who have heard that line so many times they’ve begun finishing it for him.
Despite throwing 22 over par and losing three discs (including one that somehow ended up in a stranger’s bike basket), Trevor insists he’ll be back next weekend. “It’s all about the vibes,” he said, while fumbling through an REI tote full of mystery discs he doesn’t know how to use.
When asked what keeps him coming back, Trevor paused for a long time before admitting: “I just like the part where we go get beers after.”
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