PORTLAND, Ore. — After decades of shopping, ice skating, awkward teenage hangouts and wondering whether the mall was actually still open, Lloyd Center is reportedly marking its final day in the most Portland way possible: with one last attempted robbery.
Witnesses say the emotional farewell unfolded near one of the mall’s many vacant storefronts, where a masked man allegedly approached one of the remaining customers and demanded his wallet, phone and, presumably, whatever loose change he had left after paying downtown Portland parking prices.
Mall officials did not confirm whether the attempted robbery was part of the official closing-day festivities, but several longtime Portlanders admitted it felt strangely appropriate.
“It really brought everything full circle,” said one man who claimed he had not actually visited Lloyd Center since 2011. “You’ve got the empty stores, the eerie quiet, a guy getting robbed. It’s honestly kind of beautiful.”
Another longtime customer said she was especially emotional about the closure, explaining that in recent years she had actually come to look forward to the exhilarating possibility of fearing for her life during a routine trip to the mall.
“Where am I supposed to go to get stuck up now?” she asked, fighting back tears. “There was something comforting about never knowing whether I was going home with the stuff I bought. You just can’t recreate that kind of shopping experience online.”
She added that ordering from Amazon may be convenient, but “nobody has ever jumped out from behind my couch and demanded my wallet while I’m tracking a package.”
The alleged victim was reportedly stunned to discover two things at once: that someone was trying to rob him and that another customer had somehow managed to find the mall entrance.
For generations, Lloyd Center was one of Portland’s biggest gathering places. Families came to shop, kids came to skate, teenagers wandered around for six hours without buying anything, and parents spent Saturday afternoons waiting outside stores while wondering how a single trip to the mall had somehow consumed their entire day.
At its peak, Lloyd Center was packed with department stores, restaurants, specialty shops and enough foot traffic to make finding a parking spot an actual accomplishment. In later years, however, visitors became increasingly likely to find darkened storefronts, empty hallways and enough available parking to host an Oregon Ducks tailgate.
That decline made Saturday’s supposed final attempted robbery especially meaningful.
According to completely unverified witnesses who exist primarily for the purposes of this article, the suspect briefly considered robbing one of the mall’s stores before realizing there wasn’t anything left inside.
“He looked through the window, saw an empty retail space and just kind of shrugged,” one witness said. “Then he spotted the customer and apparently thought, ‘Well, I came all this way.’”
Portland police were reportedly relieved the incident occurred before closing time, sparing officers the awkward task of explaining to the suspect that Lloyd Center was no longer accepting new crime after business hours.
Meanwhile, nostalgic Portlanders gathered online to mourn the loss of a mall many of them had spent the previous 15 years actively avoiding.
“I can’t believe they’re closing it,” wrote one commenter from Beaverton. “So many memories there. I haven’t been since Obama’s first term, but still. Absolutely devastating.”
Another resident said Lloyd Center’s closure represents the end of an era.
“Where are future generations supposed to experience the unique thrill of walking past seven empty storefronts before discovering the one business that’s still open?” she asked.
As the final hours ticked away, longtime visitors were encouraged to stop by, take one last walk through the halls, remember better days and perhaps keep their valuables somewhere secure.
Because after all, Lloyd Center deserved a proper Portland goodbye.
And apparently, somebody was determined to give it one.
