GoFundMe Created for Husband Who Thought Telling Wife to Calm Down Was a Good Idea

by | Feb 16, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

Share This Article

In what’s being dubbed “the most expensive two words ever spoken,” a local man has launched a GoFundMe after making the rookie mistake of telling his wife to “calm down” during a heated discussion about reorganizing the pantry.

“It just slipped out,” the man, now referred to as the ‘Couch King of Suburbia,’ confessed. “I thought it would help de-escalate things. Spoiler alert: It didn’t.”

Within moments of uttering the phrase, sources confirm the temperature in the house dropped 30 degrees, and the wife’s glare reportedly cracked the wine glasses in the dishwasher. Witnesses (their dog) described the scene as “tense, with an overwhelming smell of regret.”

The GoFundMe, titled “Help Me Rebuild My Life After Saying the Dumbest Thing Possible,” aims to raise $50,000 for therapy sessions, marital counseling, and a year’s supply of flowers and chocolate. Early donors are also suggesting he set aside a portion of the funds for a crash course in What Not to Say Ever Again.

“I’ve learned my lesson,” he said. “From now on, I’ll stick to nodding and saying, ‘You’re absolutely right.’ It’s safer that way.”

As of this morning, the campaign has raised $37,000, with donors leaving supportive comments such as, “Prayers for your survival,” “Never again, buddy,” and “RIP to your peace of mind.”

While the wife has declined to comment, she was spotted calmly sipping wine on the porch, presumably while plotting her next move.


Share This Article

Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

Related Articles

Portland Man Found Guilty in Smith Rock Mass Shooting Plot

Portland Man Found Guilty in Smith Rock Mass Shooting Plot

BEND, Ore. — A Deschutes County jury has found 41-year-old Samson Garner guilty of plotting a mass shooting at Smith Rock State Park’s Craggin’ Classic climbing festival in 2023, Central Oregon Daily News reported. The unanimous verdict, delivered Thursday, convicted...

Two Oregon Towns Named Among America’s Best Fall Getaways

Two Oregon Towns Named Among America’s Best Fall Getaways

If you’re dreaming of a cozy autumn getaway surrounded by crisp air and colorful leaves, you won’t have to travel far—Oregon has you covered. A new report from vacation rental company HomeToGo places two Oregon towns among the best destinations in the country for fall...

Charlie Kirk Shot During Event at Utah Valley University

Charlie Kirk Shot During Event at Utah Valley University

Charlie Kirk, executive director of Turning Point USA (TPUSA) and a prominent conservative activist, was shot Wednesday while hosting an event at Utah Valley University. Video circulating on social media shows Kirk being struck while speaking under a tent in the...

X