Researchers Admit They Still Don’t Understand Why Portland Residents Look Like This
PORTLAND, OR — After years of observation, analysis, and quietly judgmental note-taking, researchers have formally admitted they still do not understand why Portland residents look the way they do. The announcement came Tuesday from a multidisciplinary research team stationed primarily outside coffee shops, food co-ops, and sidewalks where no one appears to be headed anywhere specific. “We thought time would help,” said lead researcher Dr. Elaine Morcroft, gesturing vaguely toward a person...
TRAVEL
Oregon is a beautiful destination for travelers who enjoy exploring the great outdoors. With its diverse landscape of mountains, forests, waterfalls, and coastline, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.
Don’t Confuse Wildlife Safari in Winston With the Horror Show That Was West Coast Game Park Safari
This past week, Oregon made national headlines for all the wrong reasons. More than 300 animals were seized from the West Coast Game Park Safari in Bandon after authorities uncovered a nightmare...
Ride This Coastal Train In Oregon For A Spring Break Adventure You’ll Never Forget
If you're looking for the perfect spring break activity on the Oregon Coast, this is it. Sun, sea air, coastal charm—and the nostalgic click-clack of a historic train. The Spring Break Excursion...
Ever Wanted To See Inside A Multi-Million Dollar Oregon Home? Now’s Your Chance
Just outside of Smith Rock State Park sits a stunning home with even more stunning views, and it can be yours for just under five million dollars.
FOOD & DRINK
Explore Oregon’s food and drink scene – from locally sourced ingredients to craft brews and award-winning wines. Plan your culinary adventure now!
This New Bend Pizza Joint Has Locals Addicted to the Pasta and Wings, Too
There’s something special happening on the east side of Bend, Oregon. It’s not another brewery or food cart pod—it’s pizza. But this isn’t your average slice. Fat Tony’s Pizzeria is turning out...
The Best Milkshakes in Oregon? Locals Say Sno Cap Has Had the Crown Since 1952
When it comes to milkshakes, Oregonians don’t mess around. You can’t just say you’ve got the best milkshake in town—you’ve got to prove it. And that’s exactly what Sno Cap Drive In in Sisters,...
People Drive From All Over Oregon To Indulge In The Ultimate Comfort Food At This Cozy Brewery
Tucked away in the small town of Monroe, Oregon, Long Timber Brewing Company is more than just a microbrewery and restaurant—it’s a tribute to the region’s rich logging history and a culinary...
Oregon Braces for a Full Week of Raining Cats and Dogs – Local Shelters at Capacity
Oregon residents are in for a ruff week as meteorologists confirm that, yes, it will indeed be raining cats and dogs for the next seven days straight. With fluffy precipitation already falling in some areas, local shelters are struggling to keep up, and pet stores are...
Man Who Identifies as Turtle Requests Residency at Oregon Zoo, Cites ‘Natural Habitat’
PORTLAND, OR — Local man Brian “Snappy” Thompson has officially petitioned the Oregon Zoo to recognize his true identity as a turtle and grant him permanent residency in the reptile exhibit. “I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a turtle trapped in a human’s body,”...
Fast Food Worker Accidentally Gives Customer Every Sauce He Requested
A local man is struggling to comprehend reality after an unthinkable event at a fast food drive-thru last night. Jacob Thompson, 34, ordered a simple meal at a nearby McDonalds, fully expecting to engage in the traditional battle of wills over condiments. But when he...
Springfield to Get Two More Car Washes, Leaving Local Residents Absolutely Speechless with Joy
SPRINGFIELD, OREGON—Local residents can finally breathe a sigh of relief as city officials have approved the construction of two brand-new car washes, bringing the city’s already impressive total to way too many. With this latest addition, locals will have even more...
Oregon to Replace Stop Signs with ‘Gentle Suggestions’ to Avoid ‘Harmful Command Language’
‘Telling Cars When to Stop Is a Form of Road Privilege’ Oregon has officially banned stop signs in an effort to create a more inclusive and emotionally safe driving experience. According to the state’s Department of Transportation, the word “STOP” is simply too...
Trump Suggests Adding His Face to Mount Rushmore, Proposes ‘Executive Order’ to Expedite
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, President Donald Trump has reportedly suggested—and seemingly succeeded in—adding his face to Mount Rushmore, citing his "tremendous" accomplishments, "record-breaking presidency," and "undeniably perfect jawline." According...
Local Woman Proudly Shows Off ‘Check Engine’ Light That Has Been On Since 2018
Local woman Jessica Reynolds is beaming with pride after successfully keeping her car’s “Check Engine” light on for an impressive six years, setting what experts are calling a “remarkable new record in automotive neglect.” “I don’t even see it anymore,” Reynolds said,...
Small Town Officials Approve 8th Dollar General, Say ‘We’re Just Gonna Keep Going’
Residents of Pine Hollow, Oregon, barely had time to recover from the ribbon-cutting of their 7th Dollar General before town officials announced the construction of store #8—directly across the street. The decision, described by Mayor Tom Wilkins as “inevitable,” was...
Tesla Dealerships Now Patrolled by Robot Dogs That Breathe Fire
In a bold and completely normal security upgrade, Tesla has officially deployed fire-breathing robot dogs to patrol its dealerships nationwide. The flamethrower-equipped quadrupeds, affectionately dubbed "CyberHounds," have already proven to be highly effective at...
For Just $1,200, Couple Gets Exclusive Close-Up of Two Giants’ Backs for Entire Concert
PORTLAND, OR — Local couple Brian and Jessica Holloway were overjoyed to snag floor tickets to see their favorite band live, dropping a casual $1,200 for what they expected to be a magical night of music, love, and unforgettable memories. Instead, they spent the...