“At first it was just trees. Then it was THE trees.”
OREGON CASCADES — A groundbreaking new study from the Pacific Northwest Institute of Vibes has revealed what most Oregon hikers already know in their hearts: hiking is pretty mid until the edibles hit.
According to the report, hikers surveyed along popular Oregon trails unanimously agreed the experience went from “meh” to “transcendent forest opera” roughly 45 minutes after ingesting 10mg of THC disguised as a mango fruit chew.
“Honestly, I was kind of over it,” said study participant Josh “Birch” Thompson while staring deeply at a moss-covered rock. “My legs hurt, I was hungry, and the view was like... fine. But then the edibles kicked in, and suddenly that raven was speaking to me in riddles. That’s when I knew—this was nature.”
Researchers observed dramatic changes in trail satisfaction correlated with cannabinoid absorption. Before the high set in, hikers described the trail as “dusty,” “full of bugs,” and “too uphill-y.” Afterward, they reported it as “sacred,” “mystical,” and “like the forest was hugging my soul.”
One participant reportedly laid in a bed of ferns for 27 minutes whispering, “This is what being loved feels like,” to a banana slug.
Side Effects Included:
- Naming every tree “Greg”
- Laughing at squirrels for “being too extra”
- Getting distracted by pinecones for 45 minutes
- Accidentally inventing a new religion involving moss and gravity
The study also noted hikers were significantly more likely to describe waterfalls as “spiritual portals” and trail mix as “the perfect food” once THC levels peaked.
Experts caution that hiking under the influence should still be done responsibly. “Always tell a friend where you're hiking,” said Dr. Willow C. Hempstein, lead researcher. “And maybe don’t wander off-trail to ‘go merge with the forest matrix,’ no matter how strong the vibe is.”
At press time, the hikers were seen debating whether or not a caterpillar had “a good aura.”
