News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing

MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press conference held in a padded room...

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...

Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button

U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...

Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis

In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the future, one log at a time.” The...
6.4-magnitude Earthquake Rocks Northern California

6.4-magnitude Earthquake Rocks Northern California

An earthquake hit coastal Northern California early Tuesday, which was reportedly 10 miles deep near Eureka in Humboldt County. The quake hit around 2:30 am, according to the U.S. Geological Survey, just 7.4 miles west-southwest of Ferndale.   Road Closure: State...

Federal Judge Rules Measure 114 Will Move Forward in Oregon

Federal Judge Rules Measure 114 Will Move Forward in Oregon

Measure 114 which narrowly passed in Oregon, is set to take effect Thursday as planned. The new law, said to be the strictest in the nation, will ban ammunition magazines holding more than 10 rounds, as well as require a gun permit to purchase a firearm. On Tuesday...

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