News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident’

PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who identifies as post-geographic and...

UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing

MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press conference held in a padded room...

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...

Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button

U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...
Oregon Retiree Strikes Gold with $1M Powerball Win!

Oregon Retiree Strikes Gold with $1M Powerball Win!

In a thrilling revelation, a resident of Mill City, Oregon recently discovered a golden ticket worth $1 million! This captivating tale unfolds from a simple routine check on the Powerball numbers, which has now turned the life of one retiree and his wife upside-down,...

Troutdale Family of Four Perish in Deschutes County Collision

Troutdale Family of Four Perish in Deschutes County Collision

As reported by The Oregonian, a somber atmosphere has enveloped Deschutes County following a harrowing multi-vehicle collision that took the lives of four members from one family on Thursday evening. The details, confirmed over the weekend by Oregon State Police,...

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