SALEM, OR — In a shocking and emotional press conference that rocked the state’s political establishment to its core, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek announced Tuesday that she is gay — again — just moments after announcing the same thing.
“I just want to live my truth,” Kotek said, holding back tears. “So today, I am officially coming out as a gay woman… for the second time.”
The press conference was described by onlookers as “powerful,” “inspiring,” and “weirdly familiar.” Many reporters in the room began whispering to each other, flipping through their notes, and Googling “Tina Kotek gay???” before realizing that, yes, she had already come out years ago and has been publicly married to a woman for over 20 years.
“I guess we’re doing this again,” shrugged a confused OPB reporter. “Bold move. I respect the commitment to staying in the headlines.”
The announcement was met with polite applause, several standing ovations from staffers pretending it was new information, and a single gasp from a tourist from Idaho who “doesn’t follow politics but still thought she gave off a vibe.”
Kotek did not clarify why she was coming out again but hinted it was part of “a longer journey of self-rediscovery,” possibly tied to recent polling numbers and the fact that Oregon schools rank 46th in the nation.
Political insiders say this is part of a bold new strategy called “rebranding via redundancy,” where Kotek plans to repeatedly announce things everyone already knows in an attempt to recapture public interest. Rumors suggest next week she may unveil that she supports bike lanes, opposes climate change, and enjoys composting.
Critics accused Kotek of “weaponizing her already-established identity” to distract from housing shortages, failing schools, and the fact that half of downtown Portland still looks like a Fallout side quest.
“This is not about politics,” Kotek assured the press. “It’s about being visible. Even more visible than before. Like, extra visible.”
At press time, Governor Kotek was reportedly planning a third coming out ceremony to be held at the next Portland Timbers game, complete with fireworks, a drag performance, and a heartfelt reading of her old LinkedIn bio.
