News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Portland’s 2025 Naked Bike Ride Cancelled After City Runs Out of Eye Bleach

In a shocking turn of events, Portland officials announced that this year’s highly anticipated Naked Bike Ride has been abruptly canceled after the city completely ran out of eye bleach. The shortage occurred just days before the annual event, leaving local residents in a state of panic as they...

Local Man Pauses Movie for 15th Time as Wife Continues to Narrate Plot Twist He Hasn’t Seen Yet

MORRISON, OR – Local man Jared Thompson, 34, was forced to hit the pause button for the fifteenth time last night after his wife, Emily Thompson, 32, insisted on providing a running commentary for a plot twist he hadn’t actually reached yet. The couple had decided to settle in for a cozy movie...

New Study Finds 97% of Hot Springs Nudists Have the Exact Body Type No One Wants to See Naked

A groundbreaking new study from the Oregon Institute of Unwanted Visuals has confirmed what most hot springs visitors already suspected: a shocking 97% of nudists have exactly the kind of body no one, under any circumstances, wants to see unclothed. The study, which surveyed thousands of...

Cougars on High Alert as Yet Another Human Wanders Into the Woods Without Common Sense

Cougars across Oregon are once again sounding the alarm as yet another human has wandered deep into the wilderness, completely unprepared and blissfully unaware of their surroundings. Local mountain lions, who have spent generations fine-tuning their survival instincts, are reportedly baffled by...

Oregon Criminals Now Sentenced to ‘Naughty Time’ – No Recess Until They Learn Their Lesson

Oregon has once again led the way in groundbreaking criminal justice reform by introducing its newest and toughest sentencing policy yet: Naughty Time. Under this bold initiative, criminals will no longer be subjected to outdated punishments like jail time or parole. Instead, they will face the...
Saying Goodbye to 8 p.m. Sunsets as Portland Slides into Fall

Saying Goodbye to 8 p.m. Sunsets as Portland Slides into Fall

The Pacific Northwest, often cloaked in its rain-draped reputation, unveils a vibrant summer palette that stands in stark contrast to common perceptions. The sunsets here are, without a doubt, in a class by themselves. As summer caresses the Northwest, it swathes the...

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