News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

New Oregon Zip Line Debuts With Thrilling New Twist: Direct Collision With Tree

BEND, OR — In what Deschutes County officials are calling “an immersive forest engagement experience,” a new zip line attraction has opened just outside Bend — and instead of a smooth landing, it launches riders face-first into a very large pine tree. The ride, funded by an emergency eco-tourism...

Woman Asks If Jeans Make Her Look Fat, Already Decided They Do

TUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend for the 497th time if her jeans made her look fat, despite having already rendered a silent, irrevocable verdict of “yes” the moment she buttoned them. “I...

Pale Little Oregon Man Spotted in Tank Top; Witnesses in Troutdale Call It “Too Soon”

TROUTDALE, OR — In a shocking display of seasonal overconfidence, local man Darren Melby was reportedly seen walking down Main Street in a salmon-pink tank top Thursday morning, sending townsfolk into a mild panic and causing three drivers to swerve. “He was just out there, arms fully exposed like...

Doctors Confirm You’re Technically Still Alive, Just Tired Forever After Age 36

ATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking new report released Friday, doctors from the National Institute of Realistic Health confirmed that individuals over the age of 36 are, in fact, technically still alive—though most are now operating in a permanent state of exhaustion, emotionally numb caffeine...

Local Meth Cook Gives Back by Providing Free ‘Science Lessons’ to Youth

EUGENE, OR — In an inspiring display of community spirit, local meth entrepreneur Travis "Sparky" Jenkins has announced a new initiative aimed at educating the next generation of scientists: free backyard "science lessons" for area youth. “I just want to give back, you know?” said Jenkins, who...
Sunny Skies Return In Oregon As Weekend May Hit 90 Degrees

Sunny Skies Return In Oregon As Weekend May Hit 90 Degrees

Grab your shades, Oregonians, because warmer and sunnier days are finally heading our way! Starting Wednesday, the greater Portland and Vancouver metro areas will bask in some much-needed sunshine. After a chilly, frosty morning in the Willamette Valley, temperatures...

15 Oregon Police Cars Torched in Overnight Fire

15 Oregon Police Cars Torched in Overnight Fire

Portland, Oregon, has been grappling with increasing disorder in recent years, a narrative underscored by a recent incident at a northeastern police training facility. In the early hours of Thursday morning, a deliberate act of arson resulted in at least 15 police...

The Beloved PDX Carpet is Back, Rolled Out in Main Terminal

The Beloved PDX Carpet is Back, Rolled Out in Main Terminal

Earlier this week, the Portland International Airport made a buzzworthy announcement that it was installing a section of the iconic carpet that travelers have revered for over 25 years. This welcoming news comes in the midst of a major remodeling effort to update the...

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