A statewide ban on cell phones in Oregon’s K-12 classrooms could soon be on the books, following years of discussion and rising concern over the impact of personal devices on student learning and well-being. On Wednesday, March 26,…
In a stunning turn of events Tuesday evening, household cat Mr. Biscuits has officially confirmed that he licked the lasagna, and, according to inside sources, would “do it again in a heartbeat.” The lasagna, a bubbling tray of…
A rare and potentially dangerous weather event is expected to impact parts of Oregon and the broader Pacific Northwest on Wednesday, with the possibility of large hail, damaging winds, and even isolated tornadoes—an unusual combination for the region.…
If you're looking for the perfect spring break activity on the Oregon Coast, this is it. Sun, sea air, coastal charm—and the nostalgic click-clack of a historic train. The Spring Break Excursion aboard the Oregon Coast Scenic Railroad…
In a historic achievement for institutional apathy, St. Helens High School has been awarded the coveted Gold Medal in Predator Enablement, a rare honor bestowed upon educational institutions demonstrating "exceptional consistency in ignoring red flags, downplaying allegations, and…
PORTLAND, OR — In a shocking roadside event that eyewitnesses are describing as “equal parts beautiful and deeply upsetting,” a vintage RV parked outside a shuttered Hollywood Video reportedly gave birth to a fully grown, lifted pickup truck…
PORTLAND, OR — In a historic moment of questionable achievement, the City of Portland has officially become the first metropolitan area in the United States to reach 100% graffiti saturation, prompting local street artists to reluctantly hang up…
In the vast, unforgiving wasteland of America’s highways—where fast food wrappers dance in the wind and gas station bathrooms look like crime scenes—one portable restroom has risen above the filth to become a beacon of hope. Perched in…
MONROE, OR — In the early hours of Wednesday morning, local woman Emily Patterson reportedly launched what experts are calling a "precision-targeted rib jab" into the soft flank of her peacefully unconscious husband, Greg, in a final, desperate…
SALEM, OR — In a historic and absolutely necessary move, Oregon officials have replaced the iconic Gold Man statue atop the State Capitol with a shirtless, vape-clutching dad bod guy, a bold tribute to the future of civilization.…
Fyre Festival 2 is officially happening, and organizers are promising the most authentic festival experience yet—so authentic, in fact, that attendees should expect to be stranded before they even arrive. But this time, founder and convicted fraudster Billy…
“I’m good for one more,” said 37-year-old dad of two, Brad Simmons, at precisely 10:15 PM, stunning his coworkers into silence. Witnesses at O’Malley’s Pub reported that the statement was made with the kind of reckless optimism typically…
