OREGON — After centuries of mysterious sightings, blurry photos, and grainy VHS documentaries, Bigfoot has officially canceled all future appearances in Oregon, citing skyrocketing living costs as the final straw. “Look, I’ve been dodging hikers, hunters, and tabloids for decades,” Bigfoot told reporters while shoving a half-empty French press into a moving box. “But $2,100 a month for a one-room cave with no plumbing? Forget it. Even a cryptid’s gotta eat.” The legendary creature, known for...