SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute…
EUGENE, OR — Local residents were comforted Sunday morning after officials confirmed that the sketchy man pedaling a squeaky mountain bike in a sagging jacket and backwards cap—while hollering at a tree about "leaf surveillance"—was “almost definitely just…
U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic…
Dating in Portland is hard. Between dodging open mic night invitations, navigating three-way Tinder bios, and trying to remember if you're allowed to say "you look nice" without first signing a consent form and issuing a land acknowledgment,…
WILLAMETTE VALLEY, OR — In a groundbreaking yet deeply unsettling discovery, scientists at Oregon State University have confirmed the spontaneous emergence of a glow-in-the-dark humanoid creature from the depths of the notoriously murky Willamette River. According to witnesses,…
Creswell, OR — In what mental health experts are calling “a minor miracle” and “the emotional equivalent of unclenching your jaw,” local man Kyle Benson’s depression was officially downgraded from crippling to merely moody following an unprecedented full…
PORTLAND, OR — A local family is in mourning after 44-year-old Ron Breckman tragically passed away this week following what experts are calling “a reckless and ultimately fatal decision” to drink directly from a downtown Portland Benson Bubbler.…
SALEM, OR — A routine grocery run at the WinCo Foods off Commercial Street in Salem turned into a full-blown auditory crisis Friday morning after a local child—described by witnesses as "small but emotionally explosive"—unleashed a battle cry…
A statewide ban on cell phones in Oregon’s K-12 classrooms could soon be on the books, following years of discussion and rising concern over the impact of personal devices on student learning and well-being. On Wednesday, March 26,…
In a stunning turn of events Tuesday evening, household cat Mr. Biscuits has officially confirmed that he licked the lasagna, and, according to inside sources, would “do it again in a heartbeat.” The lasagna, a bubbling tray of…
A rare and potentially dangerous weather event is expected to impact parts of Oregon and the broader Pacific Northwest on Wednesday, with the possibility of large hail, damaging winds, and even isolated tornadoes—an unusual combination for the region.…
If you're looking for the perfect spring break activity on the Oregon Coast, this is it. Sun, sea air, coastal charm—and the nostalgic click-clack of a historic train. The Spring Break Excursion aboard the Oregon Coast Scenic Railroad…
