PORTLAND, OR — A Southern California tourist was escorted to the Oregon–California border Tuesday after loudly referring to the Willamette River as the “Will-Uh-Mah-Tee,” a pronunciation so catastrophically off-base that officials classified it as an “Immediate…
SALEM, OR — In a shocking but somehow completely predictable Thanksgiving Day update, state transportation officials confirmed Thursday that roughly 50% of all traffic congestion on Interstate 5 can be traced back to a single silver…
BEND, OR — In a move city officials are calling “a natural evolution of our community’s identity,” Bend has officially begun requiring all new residents to report to City Hall within 48 hours of arrival to…
SALEM, Ore. — In what political scientists are calling “the most shocking development since the invention of public comment,” Oregon Governor Tina Kotek reportedly suggested she may one day consider asking actual residents for input before…
SALEM, Ore. — In a stunning act of courage and relatability, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek visited a WinCo Foods on Tuesday afternoon “to see how regular Oregonians live,” reportedly spending nearly seven minutes inside the store…
In what witnesses are calling “the most powerful photo op since the moon landing,” U.S. Secretary of Homeland Secretary Kristi Noem, ascended the roof of Portland’s ICE building Tuesday morning wearing a full superhero suit, striking…
PORTLAND, OR — In a shocking display of civic multitasking, Portland Police officers were spotted this week across from the ICE building… peacefully knitting scarves, baby blankets, potholders, and one extremely lumpy sweater while federal agents…
PORTLAND, OR — After years of experimenting with tear gas, rubber bullets, and pepper spray, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has apparently decided to step things up a notch. On Thursday night, officers stunned protesters outside…
PORTLAND, OR — Freshly mobilized National Guard troops are already filing desperate reassignment requests after their first Portland briefing included photos from the city’s notorious World Naked Bike Ride. The “emergency ride,” hastily announced on social…
PORTLAND, OR — Forget “Stranger Things” and “Love Is Blind.” The hottest new reality series gripping America isn’t on Netflix, Hulu, or HBO—it's the nightly Portland ICE protests, streaming live on every platform where chaos can…
BEND, OR — Despite what the calendar claims, residents say autumn didn’t truly begin until a smug Bend man in Patagonia over flannel strutted through Drake Park this weekend, clutching a $7 latte like it was…
PORTLAND, OR — What began as a tense standoff outside Portland’s ICE building took an unexpected turn Saturday when Antifa activists and federal troops dropped their shields, rolled out a pair of Weber grills, and transformed…