News

OREGON – In a shocking turn of events that happens literally every single year, Oregonians have once again been caught completely off guard by the arrival of snow. Despite meteorologists warning of an incoming winter storm for a week, the state collectively gasped in horror when white flakes began...

Hiking in Oregon just got a whole lot more exclusive. Following in the footsteps of every streaming service, gym membership, and software company, Oregon State Parks have unveiled a brand-new subscription model for accessing public trails, scenic viewpoints, and—yes—even fresh air. Officials claim...

In a stunning turn of events, the Greater Idaho movement has thrown out its old map, crumpled it into a wad of regret, and decided to annex the entire state of Oregon—except Portland, which they claim is “too far gone” to save. “We realized we were thinking way too small,” said Greater Idaho...

Boring, Oregon — In what experts are calling an unprecedented failure of logic and reason, a local man in Boring, Oregon, was left completely stunned after his lengthy, all-caps social media rant failed to immediately convince a stranger to change their entire worldview. The incident occurred late...

Faced with an unprecedented rise in crime, Portland’s City Council has taken decisive action—by officially decriminalizing all crime. In a unanimous vote on Tuesday night, officials opted to remove all criminal penalties from the books, arguing that traditional laws were “exacerbating systemic...