News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing

MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press conference held in a padded room...

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...

Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button

U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...

Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis

In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the future, one log at a time.” The...
In-N-Out to officially open doors Thursday in Keizer

In-N-Out to officially open doors Thursday in Keizer

In-N-Out fans in Oregon will be excited to know the popular burger chain is slated to open their doors this Thursday, December 12 in Keizer. In-N-Out Burger was founded in Baldwin Park, California in 1948 by Harry and Esther Snyder, and was not present in Oregon until...

Snow falling between Roseburg and Grants Pass in Southern Oregon

Snow falling between Roseburg and Grants Pass in Southern Oregon

Ready or not, the snow is here in parts of Oregon. Southern to be specific, as the snow starting trickling down Tuesday morning on Sexton Summit and Canyon Mountain on Interstate 5 between Roseburg and Grants Pass. "Snow showers will bring light snow down to 1000 feet...

Cannabis-Infused Gravy Here Just in Time For Turkey Day

Cannabis-Infused Gravy Here Just in Time For Turkey Day

If you weren't tired enough after that turkey slathered in gravy, there's a new cannabis infused gravy to make sure it's lights out after you put down a couple of heaping Thanksgiving plates. The new gravy comes from Kiva Confections, which is said to be the largest...

Mystery fireball falls from sky in Polk County, Oregon

Mystery fireball falls from sky in Polk County, Oregon

Is this the beginning of the apocalypse starting in Oregon? What residents can only describe as "a large fireball" came falling out of the sky yesterday, Nov. 21, 2019, which apparently landed somewhere in the wilderness of southwestern Polk County. My mom, who lives...

Forecasts shows chance of snow in Portland on Thanksgiving

Forecasts shows chance of snow in Portland on Thanksgiving

According to the latest weather forecast, we could be in for some snow in Portland on Wednesday, Nov 27 and again the day after Thanksgiving on Friday, Nov. 29.   Are you hearing about snow next week? It's still too early for us to say if snow will fall across...

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