News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Man Who Identifies as Turtle Requests Residency at Oregon Zoo, Cites ‘Natural Habitat’

PORTLAND, OR — Local man Brian “Snappy” Thompson has officially petitioned the Oregon Zoo to recognize his true identity as a turtle and grant him permanent residency in the reptile exhibit. “I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a turtle trapped in a human’s body,” said Thompson, who arrived at...

Fast Food Worker Accidentally Gives Customer Every Sauce He Requested

A local man is struggling to comprehend reality after an unthinkable event at a fast food drive-thru last night. Jacob Thompson, 34, ordered a simple meal at a nearby McDonalds, fully expecting to engage in the traditional battle of wills over condiments. But when he opened his bag, he was met...

Springfield to Get Two More Car Washes, Leaving Local Residents Absolutely Speechless with Joy

SPRINGFIELD, OREGON—Local residents can finally breathe a sigh of relief as city officials have approved the construction of two brand-new car washes, bringing the city’s already impressive total to way too many. With this latest addition, locals will have even more opportunities to spend a small...

Oregon to Replace Stop Signs with ‘Gentle Suggestions’ to Avoid ‘Harmful Command Language’

‘Telling Cars When to Stop Is a Form of Road Privilege’ Oregon has officially banned stop signs in an effort to create a more inclusive and emotionally safe driving experience. According to the state’s Department of Transportation, the word “STOP” is simply too aggressive and could be perceived as...

Trump Suggests Adding His Face to Mount Rushmore, Proposes ‘Executive Order’ to Expedite

In a move that shocked absolutely no one, President Donald Trump has reportedly suggested—and seemingly succeeded in—adding his face to Mount Rushmore, citing his "tremendous" accomplishments, "record-breaking presidency," and "undeniably perfect jawline." According to sources close to the...
Scout Northwest On Oregon Coast Reopens Their Doors

Scout Northwest On Oregon Coast Reopens Their Doors

If you're wondering how you can support local business, and happen to be in the Lincoln City area on the Oregon Coast, or Seaside, make sure and stop at our favorite store SCOUT Northwest Trading Company. As of Friday, May 15, Scout locations are once again open and...

New Drive-In Movie Theater To Open On Oregon Coast Tomorrow

New Drive-In Movie Theater To Open On Oregon Coast Tomorrow

Drive in movies are something that many people in our modern times have never had the pleasure of experiencing. The Pop Up : Drive In : Stay Safe in Astoria, Oregon is aiming to change that, all from the safety and comfort of your own vehicle. Due to current social...

Man steals rifle from Mazama Sporting Goods in Eugene, $500 reward

Man steals rifle from Mazama Sporting Goods in Eugene, $500 reward

A man who stole a rifle and a scope from Mazama Sporting Goods in Eugene around 11:30 a.m. was caught on camera, and the owners are seeking any information you may have immediately. Mazama Sporting Goods, according to their Facebook post, is offering a $500 reward for...

Oregon State Park Closure To Be Extended Past May 8

Oregon State Park Closure To Be Extended Past May 8

In light of COVID-19, Oregon State Parks have announced via Facebook that the state park system is to remain closed past May 8. This news comes just one day after Washington state announcing state parks will open again May 5. No daytime or overnight visitors are...

Drive-Thru Strip Club in Oregon Offers Free TP and Food Delivery

Drive-Thru Strip Club in Oregon Offers Free TP and Food Delivery

If there's going to be a strip club open amidst a global pandemic, of COURSE it is going to happen in Portland, Oregon. Lucky Devil Lounge started with their new food delivery service, with dancers bringing food to your door. The service was formerly known as Boober...

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