SALEM, OR — In response to the growing public disdain for Elon Musk and the unfortunate social consequences of driving something associated with him, the Oregon DMV has announced a new mandatory six-week course for all Tesla owners…
EUGENE, OR — In a shocking display of follicular fortitude, Eugene resident River Moonstone has shattered all known records — and possibly local zoning ordinances — by growing a single dreadlock that now stretches, according to witnesses, "all…
NEEDLES, CA — Oregon native Daniel Price thought he was making a quick pit stop for gas and a restroom on his long drive through the California desert, but instead found himself in a quiet, humiliating standoff Thursday…
In a baffling but somehow deeply Oregonian development, state officials have confirmed that the recently vacated site of Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach has now been filled with the Oregon Pioneer—better known as the Gold Man from atop…
PORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless in traffic for the third consecutive hour due to a massive anti-Trump protest downtown. “This protest sure is…
CANNON BEACH, Ore. – In what wildlife officials are calling “a majestic act of nature,” a tufted puffin at Cannon Beach reportedly took a perfectly aimed, suspiciously intentional poo directly onto the head of an unsuspecting tourist from…
In a groundbreaking study that surprises absolutely no one, researchers have confirmed that 97% of the average person's time on streaming platforms is spent endlessly scrolling through titles while slowly losing the will to live—despite having more than…
EUGENE, OR — City officials are urging residents to stop feeding psychedelic mushrooms to local squirrels, after what one parks employee described as a “full-blown squirrel consciousness shift” unfolded near the duck pond at Alton Baker Park earlier…
SWEET HOME, OR — After weeks of intense financial planning and one extremely awkward meeting with a steak loan officer, local dad Ron Beckett has officially secured a down payment on two USDA Choice ribeye steaks—just in time…
Salem, Oregon — In a moving display of parental love mixed with economic nihilism, local couple Doug and Melissa Jenkins sat their 17-year-old son Caleb down Tuesday night for what they solemnly called “The American Dream Talk”—a beloved…
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Residents of a quiet suburban street were once again reassured by the familiar clanking of socket wrenches and muttered profanity echoing through the neighborhood as that really cool methy neighbor resumed work on his eternally…
BEND, OR — Brad Collins, a proud Bend transplant who moved from San Diego just 13 months ago, is reportedly really getting sick of all the Californians flooding into town like they own the place. “Everywhere I look…
