SALEM, Ore. — In yet another tragic reminder of Oregon’s growing public safety crisis, twelve men were stabbed at a Salem homeless shelter Sunday night — five of them now fighting for their lives in critical condition. The…
PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in the Thompson household Wednesday evening when 19-year-old Antifa member Brayden Thompson was once again grounded after skipping his chores to attend a “Riot for Justice and Mild Property Damage” protest downtown. Brayden,…
BANDON, OR — In what authorities are calling “the least surprising twist in an already shocking investigation,” a raccoon that recently escaped from the embattled West Coast Game Park Safari was discovered Tuesday night hunched behind a Dollar…
SPRINGFIELD, OR — A local woman was issued a citation for texting and driving Tuesday afternoon by a police officer who, according to witnesses, was simultaneously operating five separate electronic screens and finalizing a Taco Bell order with…
EVERYWHERE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST — As summer inches closer and the scent of dry pine needles crisps in the warming breeze, Northwesterners from Bellingham to Bend are reportedly giddy with anticipation for that magical first lungful of campfire-flavored doom.…
WHEELER COUNTY, Ore. — The Butte Creek Fire has become Oregon’s first major wildfire of the 2025 season, erupting Sunday afternoon in northwest Wheeler County and growing rapidly overnight. As of Monday morning, the blaze has scorched an…
As Oregonians, we’re no strangers to rugged mountains, wild coastlines, and the quiet beauty of the land we call home. But on Memorial Day, our focus turns not just to the land—but to those who have died defending…
PORTLAND, OR — In a city where expressing even the slightest nuance can result in immediate social exile, local man Brian Callahan has reportedly survived another week in Portland without being outed as a moderate — thanks to…
In a truly heartwarming display of performative activism, Americans everywhere have suddenly discovered the WNBA is still a thing—and are now passionately pretending they’ve supported it this whole time. The newfound enthusiasm comes not from interest in basketball…
Florence, Oregon – In a heartwarming tribute to Oregon’s most explosive historical moment, the city of Florence unveiled a life-sized statue of the infamous exploding whale on Tuesday—then promptly reduced it to flaming chunks with 20 cases of…
SALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all the state’s biggest problems: by taking a big pile of your tax money… and setting it on fire.…
AUSTIN, TX — In a bold return to the golden age of moral panic and liver damage, the Texas House passed Senate Bill 3 late Wednesday night, banning all intoxicating THC products while reaffirming the state’s unwavering belief…
