In a groundbreaking post on Truth Social, former President Donald Trump announced an unprecedented partnership with legendary lumberjack Paul Bunyan and his trusty blue ox, Babe, to deliver "billions and billions" of gallons of water from the Pacific Northwest to wildfire-ravaged California. The statement, which has sparked both amusement and bewilderment, claims that the duo has already begun work on a "yuge" canal stretching from Oregon to Southern California.
"The United States Military wasn’t enough, so I called in the best—Paul Bunyan," Trump wrote. "He’s strong, he’s legendary, and he’s got Babe the Blue Ox. Together, they’re creating the biggest, most incredible canal you’ve ever seen, bringing all the water California could ever need. No more Fake Environmental nonsense. Enjoy the water, California!!!"
Witnesses in Oregon have yet to confirm sightings of Bunyan or Babe, but Trump insisted, "They’re out there, folks, working harder than anyone. Paul’s swinging his axe, and Babe is hauling dirt like you wouldn’t believe. Tremendous effort!"
Sources close to Bunyan shared that the legendary figure is thrilled to be back in action. “I’ve chopped down forests, built mountains, and reshaped rivers,” Bunyan was quoted as saying. “But this? Digging a canal for California? It’s my greatest challenge yet. Babe’s drinking about 10 lakes a day to stay hydrated, but we’ll get it done. Bigly.”
Trump's post described the canal as "the longest, deepest, and most beautiful waterway in the world—people will come from everywhere to see it!" According to his estimates, the canal will move "oceans of water—billions and billions of gallons—every single day," from the "rain-soaked Northwest, where they have too much water anyway," to California’s thirsty cities and farmlands.
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"People are saying it’s the eighth wonder of the world," Trump claimed. "Babe’s hoofprints alone are bigger than any environmentalist's footprint. And let me tell you, Paul is chopping through the red tape faster than the redwoods!"
California’s Department of Water Resources was quick to refute the former president’s claims. “Neither Paul Bunyan nor Babe the Blue Ox are registered contractors in California,” the department tweeted. “And no, there is no canal being dug by mythical figures.”
They added, “The federal water pumps in question were offline for maintenance and restarted three days ago. State water supplies remain unaffected.”
Undeterred, Trump fired back, accusing California officials of being "jealous" of his "unbelievable deal" with Bunyan. “They don’t want to admit it, but we’re solving the drought problem in record time. Bunyan is working faster than any contractor I’ve ever seen. California’s leadership should be thanking me. Sad!”
Social media erupted with a mix of mockery and support for the canal project. Memes of Babe hauling rivers and Paul Bunyan wearing a MAGA hat flooded X (formerly Twitter). One user joked, “Is Babe eating the forests while Paul digs? Asking for California’s environmentalists.” Another quipped, “Finally, a bipartisan infrastructure plan we can all laugh at.”
Critics, meanwhile, pointed out the implausibility of the scheme. “Where exactly does Trump think this water is coming from?” asked one water rights expert. “Does he know the Pacific Northwest isn’t just a giant reservoir waiting to be drained?”
When asked about the backlash, Bunyan allegedly replied, “I don’t listen to the haters. When Trump calls, you answer. Babe and I have mountains to move—literally. And California needs us.”
Babe, for her part, remained silent, reportedly chewing through a forest in preparation for the next phase of the canal.
While experts agree that such a project is neither feasible nor legal, Trump seems determined to see it through. “We’ll finish it in record time—faster than Biden could ever dream,” he said. “California, you’re welcome. The Bunyan-Trump Canal will go down in history as the greatest infrastructure achievement of all time!”
Whether this canal ever materializes or remains another tall tale in the former president’s storied repertoire, one thing is certain: it’s already made a splash in the headlines.
